As discussed in the beginning of the book, your child may believe that he cannot prevent his anxious feelings because they come so fast and furious. Using baby steps can help your child manage anxiety and panic and shift attention from the panic to the task at hand.

Managing Piece by Piece

As discussed previously, small steps are key with a child who has anxiety. By creating change in little doses, managing a situation in steps builds a confident mindset. Using this tool, your child's coping statement might sound like, “I'm really nervous because I have to give a speech in front of the whole class next week; how can I make this feel less scary? Well, I could write it first, and just concentrate on making it a good paper. Then, when it is done, I could ask to practice it in front of my mom and dad, and after I do that, a few times I could say it in front of the whole family. When I am feeling better about it, if I want, I could also call my friend, and say it in front of him too.” Planning and preparing in small pieces allows your child to reap better results and achieve his goals without becoming overwhelmed.

The 70 Percent Rule

The 70 percent rule is featured in the book Living with Anxiety, by Drs. Montgomery and Morris, and can be helpful when working with older children and teens. Just like the importance of taking baby steps, their rule aims for success by allowing your child to face her fears until the discomfort level has reached 70 percent out of a max of 100 percent. That means she never has to reach the “out of control, it is too much, I can't do it,” stage while making changes. Ask her to imagine what going into full-blown panic would feel like; that will be 100 percent. Then have her imagine what 50 percent of that might feel like, and push just a little more past that. The example cited in the book is about a person's inability to tolerate dirt on their hands, stating, “You might deliberately rub some dirt on your hands and leave it there until you reach your 70 percent” level of discomfort. “Then wash it off and give yourself a break, as well as a pat on the back.” You can ask younger children to visualize how big their fear looks on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the biggest. Or, ask your child to think about how “full of fear” he is. You can use a balloon, and each puff you blow into the balloon is another step closer to “full.” You also can encourage your child to use his body as a way to visualize. For example, full “up to my knees” is not so worried, “up to my stomach” is more worried, and “up to my head” is truly petrified. With the 70 percent rule, your child learns he can tolerate some dirt, stays in control, and does not have to reach the panic state associated with all-or-nothing thinking.