Gold Stars: Kids and Motivation
Getting fit can be a long road with plenty of speed bumps along the way. Of course, telling your child that he's doing great is always important, and your encouragement will mean a lot to him — especially during the difficult times. But depending on his age and personality, reinforcing his achievements in other ways may also be necessary. Since kids aren't typically known for their vast reserves of patience, some rewards along the way may help maintain their enthusiasm and motivation.
Reward Systems: What Works and What Doesn't
Money can't buy you love, and it can't buy a healthy kid, either. So promises of a new bike, a trip to Disney World, or a new television for the bedroom aren't wise. First of all, if your child fails to meet the goal, he'll be devastated because the stakes were so high. Second, if he does meet the goal, you'll need to top the reward the next time around — because chances are you'll have to keep it up for your child to stay motivated.
On the other hand, small tangible incentives can be a valuable motivator for kids, especially young ones. The trick is to space them out and make them special. Ensure your child understands that while she has earned it through her efforts, the greatest reward is the achievement itself. A kind of frequent flyer program for kids works well, in which your child earns points for tasks related to her fitness. Keeping her fitness diary up to date without reminders or nagging, walking to school every day for a week, helping to cook a healthy family dinner — all these could be potential point earners. Sit down and assign point values to those tasks you think worthy (or those your child is having difficulty with), and then decide how many points it will take for a reward to be earned. Once you have a system in place, be consistent with it. If your child learns she can pester you into bending the rules, you've undermined the value of the program.
A Prize with a Purpose
As for the rewards themselves, keep the purpose of the program in mind. It goes without saying that food is not a good reward choice, and the use of food as a reward could be one of the causes behind weight gain in the first place. Better is something that provides a push towards your child's fitness goals — a special trip or event that is both fun and active. A trip to the zoo or beach, an afternoon of horseback riding, or a Saturday at the water slides. It doesn't have to be expensive, either. A backyard camping adventure or a ride to the best park in town are fun options that cost little to nothing.
If you must make the reward a gift or gadget, try items that encourage activity, too. A ball, a new bell for the bicycle, a butterfly net, or a plastic bucket full of beachcombing toys are all possibilities. Older kids might enjoy music that they can listen to on a personal stereo while walking, or a pass to the skating rink or swimming pool. Having some of these items stashed away for those days when the incentive is needed or the goal reached is a good idea; it can be too easy to forget a promised item or deliver it so late that the power of the incentive has been diminished.
In the 1990s, University of Buffalo researchers began a series of studies on behavioral modification and weight loss in children. They found that overweight kids who were reinforced, or rewarded, for reducing preferred sedentary behaviors like watching television lost more weight than those who were restricted from those behaviors. The kids who were kept away from television and other sedentary pursuits also ended up liking those behaviors more than the kids who were rewarded for seeking alternative ways of entertaining themselves.
Motivation from Within
Adults often use negative motivations to work towards personal weight loss. You know the kind of thing — buying clothes two sizes too small, trying to fit into that pair of jeans from high school, or putting “fat pictures” on the refrigerator. These can backfire on adults, and they should never be tried on children. All these tactics send the message that “You're not good enough now.” Your child needs positive motivation if he's going to achieve and maintain a healthy weight and fitness levels.
Of course, the best motivation for weight loss is a genuine drive from within to feel better and be healthy. But kids (and adults) are often motivated by appearance issues, emotional distress from peers, and the social stigma of being overweight in a society that places value on slim and trim. While you work with your child to improve his fitness level through dietary and activity changes, reinforce regularly that his size doesn't make him who he is. Once again, weight is a health issue, not an appearance issue.
Set a good self-image example for your child. Do you refuse to get your picture taken (“I'll break the camera!”), have a hard time accepting a compliment (“Thanks, but I look awful today”), or repeatedly mention how inadequate you are (“I look fat in this”)? Stop the negative talk, and try to say something positive to counter it each time you slip and criticize yourself. Your child will follow your example.
And what about the child who appears to be perfectly happy (if not healthy) at her current weight? First of all, be thankful you have a self-assured child who is confident in her appearance. That's often harder to achieve than weight loss itself. Make sure you don't undermine that confidence by sending the signal that she isn't okay “as is.” Again, focus on the health issues, and make this a family move toward fitness that she is just one part of. If she sees that everyone is working towards more activity and eating healthier foods, she won't feel singled out or start to question her appearance. For more on making fitness relative, see Chapter 4.
When Slipups Happen
Everyone falls off the wagon once and a while. Put yourself in your child's shoes. When you've slipped up on a diet or an effort to kick a bad habit, did nagging or anger from the people you love help you or make the fall that much harder? And if yelling and screaming from a loved one did make you resolve to succeed once and for all, did your self-esteem or your sense of security in the relationship suffer at all?
Yelling, nagging, punishing, and using guilt simply don't work in any positive way to help your child when he stumbles. They may scare him into compliance temporarily, but in the long term these tactics do more harm than good. He may question his sense of value to you or shift his motivation for fitness to doing it for you instead of for himself.
If you see your child's empty ice cream bowl in the sink or find that she spent her lunch money on fast food again, take a minute to collect your thoughts, and rein in any frustration. Sit down and talk with her in a nonjudgmental way about what might have triggered the lapse. The reply “I don't know” is common and probably truthful, so ask specific questions. Were the alternatives available to her unappealing? Did she have a stressful day? If you can pinpoint a cause, you're more likely to prevent it, together, next time around.
A slipup can rapidly devolve into a binge if it isn't addressed appropriately. Your child may be upset or angry with herself, and those feelings are perfectly valid. A good way to get her back on track and provide a physical and emotional boost is to get out and move together — a brisk walk, a game of ball, or a bike ride. It's also a good opportunity to talk about possible triggers and address them.
The one situation that you are justified in being upset or even handing down a punishment with is if your child lies or uses deceptive tactics to try to cover up the dietary slipups. Sit down and have a talk with him, focusing on the fact that it's the deception you're upset and disappointed about and not the lapse in his meal plan.
