From the moment your child came into this world, you've devoted yourself to protecting her from harm. The discovery that her health and well-being is at risk due to a weight problem can be a painful emotional blow — one that might make you question your self-worth as a parent. You may have faced weight issues yourself, either now or in the past, that have left you with the belief that your child's weight problem was inevitable. You may have been in denial about the problem, calling your child “solid,” “husky,” “a good eater,” or “big-boned” to rationalize a growing weight problem. Or you may just have thought that her size was something she'd grow into with time.

No matter how you arrived at this moment of realization, it's important to forgive yourself and move on. There are almost always a large numbers of reasons behind a child's weight gain, and the finger can't be pointed at any one cause or influence in isolation. For instance, genetic and medical history — two factors over which you have no control — can exert a strong influence on your child's size. Even if you haven't always served the healthiest meals, or you let the kids watch an extra hour of television instead of encouraging active play, it is neither fair nor productive to place the blame solely on yourself as the cause of your child's problems. You've recognized that you need to take action now, and that's what counts.

Banishing Guilt and Blame

Guilt and blame will do nothing positive for you. In fact, these feelings may actually hinder your efforts to help your child get fit. If you place all culpability on yourself, you may go to extremes in trying to fix and control the problem and not allow your child to play an active role in his own health. These negative feelings can also be contagious. Children are more aware of your emotional state that you may realize, and they may feel at fault themselves if they perceive that your anxiety is related to their weight. Guilt and blame can be particularly destructive feelings when experienced by a child and can shatter their sense of self-esteem, which is often fragile anyway. A guilty or ashamed child may also become negatively motivated to lose weight, seeing weight loss as a way of earning your love or making you “feel better.” Getting fit needs to be something your child works towards because it's positive and fulfilling for his well-being.

Promise yourself you'll stop feeling bad about where your child's weight is right now. Instead, work to help him develop the tools he needs to make smart choices and move towards his fitness goals.

Taking Action

Your first step in helping your child is to consult with your pediatrician or family doctor about her fitness level. If you're aware your child has a weight problem, you've probably had some discussion with her physician already. However, you may not have gotten the details you need to take effective action against the problem. The next section, “Talking to Your Child's Doctor,” provides more detail on consulting with a doctor to develop a safe and effective fitness program for your child.

Discussing fitness with your child, either before or after the doctor's consultation, is also a critical first step. Your child's age will play a large role in how you approach the discussion. Older children may have already come to you with concerns about their weight, while younger kids have a hard time connecting their weight with any unhealthy lifestyle habits. At every age, try not to make comparisons between your child and his peers. Trading weight and height stats with other parents usually only leads to feelings of frustration and inadequacy. It also discounts the fact that each child has a unique set of genetic and environmental influences that contribute to his or her body type.