Self-Pleasuring with Your Lover
Self-pleasuring with your lover combines all the benefits of masturbation with the excitement and comfort the presence of your lover can offer. Still, many people are embarrassed by the idea or wonder what the point is. If you feel uncomfortable at the notion of self-pleasuring with a lover, consider the following reasons why opening to this idea might be a rewarding way to stretch your mind and improve your sex life.
Taboos and Myths Getting in the Way
It is no wonder that you might feel embarrassed about touching yourself when you are with a lover. Our culture's taboo on masturbation makes touching your own genitals for pleasure shameful at any time, not just when you are alone. But you need not abide by this taboo. You have a right to touch your own body whenever you have the privacy and the desire. You may also suffer from the myth that an orgasm is supposed to be achieved by other some means. Therefore, if you have to use your hands, you are somehow failing. This is as ludicrous as claiming that there is one best flavor of ice cream. There are many ways to have an orgasm. Orgasms that come from your hand or your partner's hand can be just as delicious as any other kind.
Overcoming Shyness or Inhibitions
There is no good reason why touching yourself in front of your lover should be off limits. Unfortunately, many people feel shy about this. Setting an intention to overcome your inhibitions about self-pleasuring while with a lover could be the greatest gift you ever give to your sex life. This is one of those hurdles that has the potential to liberate your sexuality in ways you never imagined possible.
Studies have shown that more women are likely to orgasm from manual stimulation alone than from intercourse or oral sex. Combine manual stimulation with intercourse or oral sex, and the chances of a woman having an orgasm with these activities increases significantly. These facts should make it worth overcoming any resistances you may feel.
In order to overcome any shyness, remind yourself that freedom to self-pleasure is something that will contribute to your enjoyment of sex and ultimately your lover's enjoyment too. You may also want to talk with your lover about any scared or vulnerable feelings you have about masturbating in front of him. He may be able to reassure you that he sees nothing wrong with it. It may even turn him on. And finally, you will need to determine the right situations in which you can explore self-pleasuring with your lover.
Assistance from Your Lover
Sometimes it's just nice to have company when you self-pleasure. Your lover can cuddle you or provide stimulation to your other erogenous zones while you take charge of your genitals. If your lover wants to be sexual when you don't, you might still be able to support him while he masturbates. You can kiss his head, stroke his chest, or look into his eyes and tell him how sexy he is and how much you love him.
EXERCISE: Take turns self-pleasuring with each other. When you are the one self-pleasuring, talk with your lover about what you are doing, what you like, and how it feels. When you are supporting, kiss, stroke, and fondle your lover. Spend some time watching closely to see exactly what she is doing with her genitals.
Educating Your Lover
Self-pleasuring in front of your lover is a great way to educate him about how you like to be touched. It is also an excellent way for lovers to learn about each other's sexual response. Even if your lover has had previous lovers and has lots of experience with manual stimulation, your body and preferences are unique, and therefore, she will need to spend time learning about you. As you are self-pleasuring, it can be helpful to describe the finer details of what you are doing that may be difficult to observe. For example, you may want to express the importance of having just the right amount of lubrication. Or, you may want to share that you are touching yourself with the lightest touch possible. Perhaps you like to change what you are doing every few strokes. Don't be shy about sharing with your lover what works for you. This will ultimately help him be a better lover for you, something you will both enjoy.