Manual Stimulation

The general term for using your hand to stimulate your partner's genitals is manual stimulation. The more common slang terms for this are hand job (typically used to refer to giving a man manual pleasure, although can be used for women too) or fingering (pleasuring a woman's vulva and vagina with your fingers). You can take turns giving and receiving manual stimulation or you can give and receive simultaneously. Because the hands and fingers have such fine coordination, some people prefer manual stimulation above all other sexual behaviors.


The safety of manual stimulation is not absolute. If your hand has an open cut, then semen or vaginal secretions you touch could come into contact with your blood. Thus, it is possible to get a sexually transmitted disease from giving or receiving manual stimulation, although it is unlikely. Take appropriate precautions. Use latex or vinyl gloves, a condom, or a dental dam if there is any doubt.

Receiving Manual Stimulation

When receiving manual stimulation, it is helpful if you can give your lover preliminary suggestions on how to best touch your genitals. Let him know when you really like what he's doing, and when something he's doing is either hurting or not effective at building your arousal. Often this can be done without words. Let yourself make noise as you are receiving his touch. This can give your lover an immediate feedback loop to work with. When you make a pleasurable sound, it means “do more of that!”

Receiving touch feels best when you relax and surrender as much as you can. This can be a challenge for some people. Tell yourself that you deserve some time to simply enjoy receiving. The more you can let go, the more pleasure you are likely to enjoy, and the more you are likely to experience profound and satisfying orgasms.

Checking in with Your Lover

Offering your hands to pleasure your lover is a real gift. Before you start, ask about any specific likes or dislikes your lover may have. Find out if she has any particular recipe for orgasm through manual stimulation. It's always good to get tips from the expert (your lover) when it comes to her orgasm. If your lover does not have much experience receiving manual stimulation, then you can just try different things while asking her about what works and what doesn't. Continue to check in occasionally as you go along to see if you could change anything you're doing to increase her arousal or facilitate orgasm.

The Approach

In general, your approach should be gentle and you should play close attention to the delicate tissues of the genitals. This will help your lover feel safe to surrender his genitals to your manipulation of them. At the same time, your touch should be confident, allowing your lover to just relax and enjoy, giving him the sense that he is in competent hands. Your initial contact with your lover's bare genitals will set the stage for his being able to surrender to the pleasure you are about to bestow. Your touch should communicate that you really want him to enjoy himself and that you are here to help.


Your first touch to your lover's genitals may actually happen over clothes. It could be a gentle brushing or stroking or more of a passionate grabbing or squeezing. This can spark your lover's arousal, but it is not likely to be the thing that brings him to orgasm. For that you will need to do a little more work!

Manual Stimulation Tips for Him and Her

There is no right way to stimulate your lover's genitals with your hands. Each person will have her own particular desires and preferences for manual stimulation. But there are some general tips and techniques that work for a lot of men and women. And there are some likely pitfalls to avoid, unless you know your lover doesn't mind.

• Remove any jewelry from your hands that could get in the way, cause discomfort, or irritate your lover's genitals.

• Make sure your hands are clean.

• Use adequate lubrication at all times, whether you use saliva, oil, or commercial lubricant. Apply it regularly to maintain your lover's preferred balance of glide and friction.

• Change strokes occasionally. Mix it up and get creative. Variety is the spice of life. The element of surprise can help maintain excitement and keep your lover from losing the thread of arousal.

• Let yourself get turned on when giving your lover manual stimulation. Your arousal will feed your partner's arousal. If it doesn't distract you too much, you can even pleasure yourself at the same time.

• Allow your body to be in physical contact with your lover's. Press parts of your body into her. Let yourself dance as you play with her vulva.

• Use erotic talk or fantasy. Talk to your lover and tell her how much you desire her or weave a fantasy that is likely to assist in her arousal.

• Kiss your lover's mouth. Your mouth on your lover's can help him surrender even more to the pleasure you are providing.

• Stroke other parts of your lover's body with your free hand. Focus on areas you know are hot spots and likely to turn your lover on even more. Stimulating more than one erogenous zone at a time can really build the heat.

Feel the Connection

While manually pleasuring your lover, feel the connection between the two of you. This will greatly enhance the experience for both of you. It should never feel like a chore. Reconnect to the love you have for your partner. From time to time, look your lover in the eyes. Send her your love while witnessing her in her vulnerable state of ecstasy.

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