Bringing Her to Orgasm with Your Hand
The skill of bringing your female lover to orgasm with your hand is likely to be very appreciated. Your fingers may be the most effective way to supply the direct clitoral stimulation many women require to achieve orgasm. Training your fingers exactly how to satisfy your lover, however, usually requires a willingness to both experiment and listen to feedback. Learning how she uses her fingers to masturbate is a good place to start. Unfortunately, not all women are comfortable with self-pleasuring, so she might have as much to learn as she has to teach about how to pleasure her.
You may need to try different things and ask her for feedback. Remember to be prepared for more peaks, plateaus, and dips with your female lover. It can be more of an up and down ride than with a man. There may be multiple starts and stops. Don't get discouraged. The end result will be worth all of the fuss.
The clitoral head has the most nerve endings and is the most sensitive part of the clitoris. That's why it feels so good to be touched, but it can be easily over-stimulated. Be careful not to over-focus on the head of the clitoris, unless she asks for that.
Tips and Techniques for Her
Your hand can stimulate her entire vulva, including her labia, clitoris, and the inside of her vagina, if she wants that. Don't limit yourself to just fingering the head of her clitoris. If you remember from the chapter on anatomy, the whole clitoris extends to just underneath the surface of the inner labia, where most of the erectile tissue of the clitoris lies. Stimulating the entire vulva allows for a larger area to become engorged, increasing arousal immensely for the woman, which will ultimately culminate in a richer, fuller, more satisfying orgasm. Here are some more tips and techniques that can help you give your female lover profound erotic pleasure with your hands:
• If your hands are too rough for the delicate tissue of her vulva, use a latex or vinyl glove with some lube.
• Be careful with your nails. The tissues of the genitals are very sensitive and can easily be aggravated by long, sharp, or jagged nails.
• The inside of your lover's vagina may supply adequate lubrication for a hand job. Dip a finger gently and slowly into the vagina to pull some of that wetness to her vulva. If not, just add some oil or lubricant.
• When fingering a woman, you can use the fingers of your free hand to spread open her outer labia, making the inner parts of her vulva more accessible.
• When stimulating the vulva, let your fingers glide smoothly over the clitoral hood and down both sides of the inner labia.
• Spread your touch around the vulva. Alternate between teasing the vaginal opening with light finger circling and stroking the clitoris.
• When stimulating the head and shaft of the clitoris, try different strokes and mix them up. Use just the tip of your forefinger or both your forefinger and middle finger. Use a circular motion or a figure-eight, or rub back and forth over the top of the head and shaft.
• You can also try lightly tapping the head and shaft with your fingertip. Or you can use a flickering motion with your finger.
• For extra fun and exploration, try gently gripping the shaft of the clitoris between your thumb and forefinger and stroke it up and down as if it was a very small penis. Feel it get harder and more engorged. Alternatively, you can lightly grip the clitoral shaft between your forefinger and middle finger, and twiddle your fingers back and forth.
• If and when she is ready to have the inside of her vagina stimulated, you can slide a finger or two inside of her. To start, just let them rest there while you continue to stimulate the rest of her vulva. Then begin to slide them in and out repeatedly. Make sure there is plenty of lubrication so that your fingers glide in smoothly and effortlessly. This is likely to heighten her arousal tremendously.
• Once she is really turned on, thrust your fingers along the front wall of the vagina (toward the stomach) where the famous G-spot is located. Try stroking her G-spot with a come-hither motion. She may or may not like this. Be sure to check in with her about where she feels her G-spot and how she likes it touched.
All the Way to Orgasm
When your lover seems ready to orgasm, keep a steady, continual stroke on her clitoris. Be careful not to overdo the pressure, especially if you are feeling excited yourself. She may not want more pressure or a faster pace, just consistent stroking. If your lover does not want direct clitoral stimulation, let her tell you want she does want.
After she comes, her clitoris may become very sensitive, and she may want you to stop stimulating it. Your cooperation can help her enjoy the aftermath of her orgasm. Alternatively, she may want continued stimulation to help her have multiple orgasms. Again, let her feedback be your guide.
Once she has entirely completed her orgasm, rest one hand lightly over her entire vulva, and the other over her heart, allowing her to feel your presence still as her body comes back to resting. This is a good time to share any tender feelings you have for her, letting her know how beautiful she is to you, and how much you love her.