Loving Yourself

The best thing you can offer a partner is a good, solid relationship with yourself.

Centering and Grounding

Centering and grounding is the process of regaining balance and solidity in yourself. Some people center themselves by reminding themselves of their inherent worthiness and lovability. Others may recall their spiritual connection to something greater than themselves. When you are centered and grounded, you know where you stand in relation to the world around you. You are not easily unnerved or agitated. You can show up in a way that allows you be fully present with others.

Tracking Your Own Needs

Loving yourself also involves taking care of yourself and your needs and desires. Humans are a very social species. We all need connection, love and respect. We also need autonomy, freedom and acceptance. Unfortunately, most people have been shamed for having these essential human needs. And sexual needs and desires are often shamed the most.

Satisfying your sexual needs starts with acknowledging and accepting them. Once you've done this, you have to take charge to make sure you get what you need. You can meet some needs on your own, but you can engage others to help you meet other needs. Ultimately, you alone are responsible for making sure your needs are met. There is no better person for the job. Nobody could possibly track your needs as well as you.

Your ability to insure your own satisfaction relieves others of this burden. One of the greatest pleasures of partner-sex is enjoying how much pleasure you can offer someone else. When you can make sure you get what you need, you are helping your partner be successful at satisfying you. Sex is a game where everyone can win, but only if you both make sure you get what you need.

Finding Your Voice

Successfully getting what you need usually requires being able to express your desires and preferences. Once you are clear about what you want, you have to be able to convey it to your partner. Expecting your partner to read your mind doesn't work. The ability to communicate will both increase your satisfaction and make you a better lover. No sexual technique or chemistry can replace communication about what you or your partner need in each moment. Sex is a time to speak up.

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