Talking with Your Spouse or Significant Other
If you're in a relationship, chances are your spouse or significant other already knows either that you have OCD or that you have strange, distressing habits. Your significant other also knows by now that your OC behaviors are affecting the relationship in negative ways: She has to wait while you check the stove — again — or reassure you that the spot on your back is probably not cancer — again. How you talk with your spouse or significant other about your OCD will probably depend on a few factors, as well:
Does she already know you have OCD?
Are you planning to stay in the relationship?
Is your partner generally supportive?
If your partner does not know that your behavior is caused by OCD, you might think of your conversation about it as an opportunity. One way to discuss the subject might be something like this: “I know that many of my behaviors have caused you frustration and created tension between us. I didn't know then that I have OCD. The good news is that I know what I'm dealing with now, it can be treated, and I've made an appointment to talk with a doctor” (assuming, of course, that all of those things are true).
Another useful thing to add would be that your partner can help with your recovery — a lot. (In Chapter 11, you'll read in more specific detail about how your significant other can support you without enabling your OC behaviors.)
Depending on the circumstances, your significant other might want to accompany you on your visit to the psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Your therapist may be able to provide education, reassurance, and support for both of you.
If your partner is less supportive, it may be because he is frustrated with your behavior and how it affects him and his life. (He might, for instance, feel tired of always checking for you, or weary of your constant health worries, or other anxieties.) In such a case, you would also be well advised to explain that you now know what's causing your behaviors and that you are committed to getting treatment. A reasonable partner should understand. There are many books, and other sources of information and support that can help as well.
Question
What if a friend or family member doesn't understand or support me?
This is unlikely, but not impossible. Often, people with OCD can't tolerate uncertainty. Unfortunately, the only way to know for sure is to give it a try. Keep in mind that friends and family will generally want to be supportive. Remember, a
It might also be useful to know that you have OCD if you, or others in your family, are considering having children. Often, parents with OCD have children with OCD. That said, OCD is not the worst thing one can pass on, nor is it untreatable. It just might be good, for a variety of reasons, to know about. (For one thing, a child who has OCD can get help much faster if his symptoms are recognized than if they aren't.)
