Can't They Just Stop?
As a friend or family member of an OCD sufferer, you will probably often wish that the person you care about could just “turn off” her OC behaviors. Sadly, it doesn't work this way. People who have OCD can't do that, even if they know, at least to a degree, that those behaviors do not serve a useful purpose and are annoying or upsetting to others. For most people who have OCD, the compulsion serves to reduce anxiety or, more often than not, keep that awful anxiety from starting in the first place — though, of course, this goal is thwarted in the long run. Refraining from practicing a “ritual behavior” can feel like bracing to experience a horrible pain.
Feelings of Inadequacy
In addition to frustration, you might also feel guilt that you are not patient enough with your OC friend. You may feel isolated because you don't know other families who are going through this, too. You might also feel resentful that the person's OCD seems to be “taking over.” Or you may feel afraid that it is turning your once-functional friend into someone you hardly know. Any of these feelings (and others) are perfectly normal. The key is to keep your feelings in check so that you don't cause the person, or yourself, undue anguish. Seek out others you can talk to, and come up with your own coping strategies. Taking out your frustration on the person who has OCD will only make things worse.
Setting Realistic Expectations
People who receive treatment for OCD can experience almost unbelievable gains. They can enjoy activities that were once all but unthinkable. They can go back to living productively, returning to work or to other previously enjoyed activities. But they won't be cured. Nor will they turn into entirely different people. It's important for you to know this. If a person was phobic about germs before, he may be able to shake hands after receiving medication or CBT. But he probably won't go around extending his palm toward every passing stranger, either. As you've read before in this book, it's a matter of degree.
Essential
OCD is often kept a secret, and keeping secrets can be hard. It's stressful and it's tiring. That said, it's probably the right thing to do if the person in question has asked you not to reveal his OCD to the world, or to anyone. This may change in time.
Remember: As in any situation involving the illness of a family member, it's important for you to make sure that your own needs are met, also. Seek emotional support from others, preferably other families of OCD sufferers. Make sure that you don't neglect good nutrition and adequate rest. Let yourself feel anger or frustration sometimes. Get counseling for yourself if you need it.
