It's one thing to get more sleep or delegate household chores; it's quite another to wrestle control of the emotional aspects of a chronic illness. Everyone employs certain coping mechanisms in life, but the important thing is to identify whether or not your strategies are healthy ones. A good rule of thumb is this: If it makes you feel better, it may be a good strategy. If it prolongs emotional discomfort or it allows you to avoid an issue, it may be time to find some new coping tools. Coping strategies refer to the specific efforts, both behavioral and psychological, that people use to tolerate or minimize stressful events. Two common coping strategies are behavioral strategies (used to alleviate stressful circumstances) and emotion-focused coping strategies (which involve efforts to regulate the emotional consequences of stressful events). Research indicates that people use both types of strategies to combat more stressful events.

Behavioral strategies include things such as delegating tasks or starting an exercise routine, while psychological strategies include learning how to relax in stressful situations or training ourselves to respond differently to negative stimuli. You may deploy one or the other — sometimes both — depending on the situation.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Everyone adopts certain strategies to deal with difficult events. Here are a few to avoid:

• Lowering sights to what seems more achievable

• Mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress

• Separating conflicting thoughts into mental compartments

• Refusing to acknowledge an event has occurred

• Avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic

• Subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts

• Making a big problem small

Some of these unhealthy coping mechanisms actually serve you when you're trying to digest unsettling events, but in the long run, strategies such as avoidance or repression don't work. The person who uses stress as a reason to exercise (in a reasonable way) is learning and expressing a healthy coping mechanism. The person who turns to alcohol or food is using coping mechanisms that are both dangerous and unhealthy.

What are some good ways to cope with a chronic illness? Here are some healthy coping mechanisms, suggested by Dr. Andrew Kneier, who has worked with people with cancer for many years:

• Face the reality of your illness. Facing the issue is better for long-term coping, although a healthy dose of denial is common at diagnosis.

• Maintain hope and optimism.

• Express your emotions. Express both negative and positive emotions.

• Reach out for support. Studies show that people who find social support networks, such as support groups, fare better than those who do not.

• Adopt a participatory stance. This means empowering oneself by participating in treatment and decision-making.

• Find a positive meaning in your illness. Not always an easy thing to do, but helping others to cope and overcome adversity is one way to bring meaning to your circumstances.

• Connect spiritually. No matter what your beliefs are, connecting to something greater than yourself (even if it's hope, nature, or friendship) may be beneficial to your health.

• Maintain self-esteem. Finding ways to improve your self-confidence and maintaining a strong and positive sense of self is crucial. Hobbies, developing new skills and maintaining healthy relationships are just a few of the ways you can build self-esteem.

These coping strategies may not be right for everyone. It's best to see a therapist and decide what works best for you. It's important to work through the emotional aspects while keeping perspective. The often-heard statement “You are not your illness” is tried and true. Balancing your illness with the other aspects of your life is key to a healthy emotional disposition.