Above and Beyond
While there are, of course, quite a few tasks that are traditionally expected of the mother of the bride, there are plenty of chores that you won't find listed in any etiquette book. As the wedding approaches, you'll have your hands full dealing with situations that are common to every MOB. How you'll handle them will be uncommonly courageous — and will earn you the title of MOB Extraordinaire.
Oh, Those Bridesmaids!Unfortunately, some brides find that their bridesmaids cause them so much trouble and so much heartache that eloping starts sounding like a good option. Whether your daughter has chosen family or friends to fill the chiffon dresses, there always seems to be at least one who chooses to be disagreeable about everything — about the getup, about the bridal shower, or even about the date and time of the wedding.
Be extra careful when dealing with bridesmaids that are a member of the groom's family. If the bride can't appeal to her reasonable side, perhaps her own mother can. If that fails, you're free to approach her, but remember, your daughter has to deal with her for the rest of her life.
What can the MOB do to help in this situation? First, you need to let your daughter try to handle it herself. It's really best if she can appeal to this unreasonable maid woman-to-woman, and settle things that way. If the attendant in question is persistent in her quest to drive the bride insane, go ahead and step in — as long as the offenses are serious enough.
There are few people in this world more intimidating than an MOB who's had it. It's an honor for a woman to be included in a wedding party — reminding the offender of this fact, and of the fact that it's not her right to be included (which implies that she can easily be excluded), may be enough to stop her behavior.
Oh, Those In-Laws!Another bunch who may irk your daughter before the wedding is the in-laws. While it's understandable that tensions are high before the wedding (and to be fair, you have to acknowledge that whether these people are truly involved in the planning or not, their child is getting married, too), sometimes the in-laws' behavior goes beyond the realm of what reasonable brides can tolerate.
A groom's mother, for example, may bitterly contest everything about the wedding. The MOG who isn't paying for a blessed thing is much easier to deal with than one who is paying half the expenses. She may be irritating, but since you and the bride don't have to work out any details with her (other than the guest list), your exposure to her will be minimal. Let her go her own way, and you and your daughter can go yours.
If your daughter finds herself dealing with in-laws who are paying for at least part of the wedding and they simply disregard all of the bride's wishes, is it right for you to step in? It depends on how bold you're feeling, and it depends on the groom's parents, too. If you suspect that there's no malicious intent on their part and that your daughter could very easily straighten things out by speaking to them, then stay back. On the other hand, if you know your daughter has already had arguments with her future mother-in-law, sometimes a meeting of the moms is in order. The groom's mother may be able to intimidate a young bride, but she doesn't scare you. Lay it on the line with this woman: This wedding is neither yours nor the MOG's, and the bride's wishes should be respected.
If wedding-related financial issues between the bride's and the groom's parents can't be resolved, the bride may have to think about returning any money they've contributed and planning a smaller wedding. Assure her this will be worth it in the long run.
While this is supposed to be a wonderful time in your daughter's life, some MOBs notice a slight personality change. Or, truth be told, the personality change is huge — and it's horrific. Out-of-control brides wreak havoc on everyone in sight — their attendants, their siblings, their coworkers, their grooms, and even their mothers. Are you supposed to ignore this?
You're a mom. You've been looking out for your girl from day one. So what should you do? She's an adult, and you can't exactly ground her from her wedding. But you can tell her that an engagement ring does not confer upon her the right to treat others with disdain. You can tell her that her lousy treatment of you is unacceptable. She may accuse you of being mean. Calmly explain to her that you're being honest. She won't thank you for this advice (not until she has to deal with a bratty bride), but everyone else in her life will admire how levelheaded and rational you are — and they'll also applaud your fearlessness at confronting the pugilistic bride.
