You already know that when you're working with a budget, the bride and groom need to prioritize their needs (and because all they really need to get married is a marriage license and an officiant, they'll actually be prioritizing wants — no matter how badly the bride feels she needs a $2,000 gown, that's a want). Before doing anything else, make a list of what's most important to the two of them. Include both the bride and the groom in this discussion, so that you won't later be accused of being insensitive to your future son-in-law's wishes. Present them with the total budget, so that they both have some idea of how much money is in the wedding plan. If neither of them has previously demonstrated any understanding of the value of a dollar, this may be a great learning experience for them — both for the wedding planning and for the real life that follows.

Picking Favorites

Once their top choices have been laid out, the bride and groom then have the option to try to include the less important items or vendors, or to leave them out all together. You should encourage them to make wise choices here without taking over the list yourself.

For example, if your daughter has talked about nothing but the flowers since she got engaged, and is willing to cut back on everything else in the name of dispersing blossoms and buds all over the church and reception area (where very little food will be served, by the way, because all of the money went to the decorations), encourage her to rethink this decision.

Give Yourself the Gift of Time

Every item on the list is fair game for creative price cuts. Be forewarned: This cost-cutting is a commitment. This is not something that can be successfully achieved over a three-day period. But it's possible to pull off a classy, relatively inexpensive wedding if you get to work on the planning early enough. Getting a late start almost guarantees that you're going to pay too much for something, or that the final event will look shoddy.

Even if your daughter is planning a long engagement (a year and a half or more), don't give in to the urge to procrastinate (even if this is a primal urge for you). Don't tell yourself, “I work best under pressure”; don't allow yourself to believe that the most creative parties aren't planned — they just happen. You may have planned hundreds of parties in your home this way, and all of them may have gone off without a hitch. Wedding planning is a completely different undertaking. You need to get with the program early on, especially if you're looking to save some money.

Stay Flexible

You and your daughter may have some very definite visions for her wedding. When you're looking to cut costs, it's all right to maintain those visions, but it's just as important to be flexible and open-minded. A florist may have some incredibly creative, low-cost ideas to present to the two of you, but if you go into that shop thinking, “Nosegays. Nothing but nosegays,” you're severely limiting any assistance that can be rendered you.

When you're trying to save money on a wedding, ask for help from the experts, and listen to their suggestions. People who work in the wedding industry are usually accustomed to dealing with different-sized budgets; they know the current trends; they also often know how to fake those trends using less expensive materials. Remember, these professionals answer wedding-related questions on a daily basis; don't be afraid to ask for their help. They won't think you're the cheapest person on the planet — they'll think you're just like the last MOB who walked through their doors.