Ceremony and Reception Basics
Many brides still opt for the traditional religious wedding, while others look for a nonreligious site. No matter what her choice, you will have a wider range of possibilities for the reception. Ask your daughter questions about the type of wedding she wants before you embark on finding these two distinct venues, as they will shape the rest of the wedding details and decisions.
Religious Versus Civil CeremoniesDepending on whether or not your daughter wants to get married in a church, temple, garden, ballroom, or the courthouse, you will have numerous options to choose from — or only one! If she wants to get married in the church she grew up in or in the temple where he worshipped, then you have your answer. However, many couples opt for a civil ceremony in a simple garden setting or in the hotel where the reception will be.
No matter where they decide to get married, you will need to find out the limitations and what will be provided by the venue they get married in. If it is not in a place of worship, you will have to think about chairs, any small tables you might need, and audio equipment. The upside to having a wedding at a civil spot is that the reception can be held there; no one will have to scramble onto a shuttle bus to make it to the hall after the ceremony, and there will be no delay between the ceremony and the reception.
Even if both the bride and groom have grown up in a particular denomination, some churches also require the nonmember to become a registered member of the congregation — as well as a fee and premarital counseling — before the marriage can take place there. Be sure to ask!
If the reception is scheduled to take place at a reception facility (hotel, club, or restaurant) you will be working with their on-site staff. Some of these places will let you bring in your own caterer; many won't. Meeting with an on-site catering manager should be a fairly pleasant experience. It's this person's job to inform you about the site and the services offered there. Most places have a fairly wide variety of packages, ranging from cocktail receptions to seven-course dinners and beyond, so you should be able to find what you're looking for.
Be sure to request a taste test. You're going to be shelling out quite a bit for some good eats; you shouldn't be expected to choose the menu without knowing what's to your liking and what isn't.
The manager will give you a tour of the facility, making sure to highlight certain areas (the terrace, which is perfect for pictures, or the lush and private bride's room), hoping to grab your attention (and your business). What will probably be most important to you and the bride is whether a certain site can meet your needs, whether they can come close to your price, and, simply, whether you like it or not.
Some things to ask about the location:
How many guests can they handle comfortably?
Is the dinner a sit-down affair? Buffet? Stations?
Where will the band set up? Where is the dance floor?
How will the staff dress? How many servers will there be?
Will your head count have to include band members and the photographer?
Can the site provide a cake, or will you have to find a baker? Is there a cake-cutting fee?
Is there an extra fee for a champagne toast?
What is the cost of an open bar? How many hours does the price include?
Is there an extra charge for valet parking or a coat-room attendant?
How much of a deposit is required? When is the full balance due?
Are there any other fees?
Can you provide diabetic, vegetarian, and gluten-free meals?
If you don't like what you're hearing, but you love the actual surroundings, close your eyes and think. It's not worth the money you'll spend if the place is short-staffed, if your guests will be squeezed into their seats, and if it costs extra for nice table linens. The reception is usually the most expensive part of a wedding; make sure you're getting what you want from the deal.
Off-Site CaterersIf the bride and groom decide to take their wedding on the road, you'll have to find someone to follow — with chafing dishes and food. Most metropolitan areas have caterers just for this reason, and if you find that there is not a caterer in sight, ask around and find the best restaurant to cater it for you.
When you've found someone who specializes in the type of event you're planning (be it formal or informal), you'll have a few inquiries. You'll want to know how long they've been in business, what size events they normally handle, and whether they can provide you with references from other weddings they've done. You'll want to make sure they have any permits that are required by law and if they're insured. Ask about deposits and final payments, as well as the cost of the bar and when the final head count is due. Be sure to inquire about any additional time they might need for setup and breakdown at the facility and the cost of any additional rental equipment.
Keep in mind that if you're hiring a caterer for an out-door affair, you may also need a tent, which is an added cost (and most likely will necessitate your dealing specifically with a tent company).
The CakeLooking for the perfect wedding cake hardly seems like a chore — they can be elegant, whimsical, and most important, they're delicious. The bride, however, will have very specific ideas about what she wants and what she won't accept, which makes this transaction almost as labor-intensive as finding the right place for the reception.
First of all, you'll need to find someone who specializes in wedding cakes. This is one confection you don't want to leave to chance. If you don't know of a wedding cake business in the area, ask around and search online. Most cakes are not only the dessert for the reception, but also part of the décor!
When you go for a cake tasting, talk about price before you get into discussing the most elegant cake the baker can create for you. A wedding cake is typically priced by the slice, and the price of the slice is based on what it contains. A base price is usually for plain cake with buttercream frosting. As you add to that slice (fillings, upgraded frosting choices, unusual design work), the price rises accordingly. For example, if a plain piece of cake costs $4.50/slice, but your daughter wants a fruit filling and fondant frosting, you'll probably be paying several dollars per slice above the base price. If you have no idea how much cake you'll need, ask the baker. Most will advise serving three- to four-inch slices. If in doubt, err on the side of caution — you don't want to be short on cake!
Take climate into consideration when ordering a cake! No one wants to eat a runny cheesecake or a droopy fruit-filled confection at a patio reception on a hot August day. The cake will look and taste horrible if it melts.
Other matters to discuss when interviewing the baker:
Is delivery included in the price? What if the reception is outside of the delivery area?
Can fresh or silk flowers be added to the cake or placed in between the tiers? Do you provide flowers or can the florist provide it to match the other decor?
If the cake is destroyed before or during delivery, will another cake be available for the reception? Will there be a price adjustment if it's a less expensive substitution?
What time will the cake be delivered to the reception?
Some receptions include a pastry table (or an entire room filled with goodies) later in the evening. If you're planning on doing additional pastries outside of the cake, consider having a smaller cake, as some of your guests will gravitate toward other sweets.
