You should order the invitations and all the accompanying inserts a minimum of four months before the wedding — not only so that they will have plenty of time to arrive, but because you'll also need time to put them together into little packages for your guests' enjoyment. When you pick up your order, you'll have everything you ordered — plus tissue paper and envelopes. What goes where and why?

If the invitation is folded, the inserts go inside of the first fold; if the invites are one flat sheet, the inserts go on top — either way, they go in this order: tissue paper (on top of the printing on the invitation, so that it doesn't smudge), reception card, map, response envelope, response card under the flap of its envelope. All of this goes inside the inner envelope (the envelopes with adhesive) with the printed side of the invitation facing the flap.

Those inner envelopes need to be addressed, too, which is where many brides and MOBs run into difficulty if they're trying to adhere to etiquette standards. So many issues crop up here: Should proper titles be used? Does an entire family living in one house receive one all-purpose invitation?

Addressing the Envelopes

First of all, if you know the guest in question well, you're free to be as informal as you wish on the inner envelope. If your brother is an MD, there's no need to address him as Doctor Nolan here — you can simply use his first name. On the other hand, if Dr. Nolan is not a close personal friend, you'd keep his title as is. Be aware that professional titles undergo a metamorphosis when they're moved from the outer envelope to the inner one. See the following table for some examples:

INVITATION ENVELOPE ETIQUETE

Lawyer

Physician

Married Physicians

Married Male Physician

Married Female Physician

PhD

Minister

Catholic Priest

Rabbi

Judge

Outer Envelope	Inner Envelope
Mitchell Nolan, Esq.	Mr. Nolan
Ann Nolan, MD	Doctor Nolan. (or Doctor Ann Nolan)
Doctors Mitchell and Ann Nolan	The Doctors Nolan
Doctor and Mrs. Mitchell Nolan	Doctor Nolan and Mrs. Nolan
Doctor Ann Nolan and Mr. Mitchell Nolan	Doctor Nolan and Mr. Nolan
Dr. Mitchell Nolan	Dr. Nolan
The Reverend Mitchell Nolan	The Reverend Nolan
Father Mitchell Nolan	Father Nolan
Rabbi Mitchell Nolan	Rabbi Nolan
The Honorable Ann Nolan	Judge Nolan

Most of these titles allow a spouse to be tacked on fairly easily, such as in the case of The Honorable and Mrs. Mitchell Nolan, or The Reverend and Mrs. Mitchell Nolan. Small children, meanwhile, are not even acknowledged on the outer envelope, which is addressed to their parents; the inner envelope will have only the children's first names listed according to age under their parents' names.

Other rules to follow: Titles are used in conjunction with first names on the outer envelope; the first names are dropped on the inner envelope. In the case of Miss Ann Thompson (addressed as such on the outer envelope), the inner envelope would read “Miss Thompson.” In the case of an unmarried, cohabitating couple (or a same-gender couple), their names are listed in alphabetical order, like so: Outer envelope — Mr. Mitchell Nolan, Miss Ann Thompson. Inner envelope — Mr. Nolan, Miss Thompson.

“And Guest”

The phrase “and guest” stirs up more trouble than it should. Followers of rigid etiquette rules frown upon these two little words (as in “Mr. Mitchell Nolan and guest”). The proper way to go about this is to find out the name of the guest's guest and to issue her a separate invitation. This requires an extraordinary amount of time and effort, especially if you don't know the primary guest very well in the first place. (Will you really feel comfortable calling a distant relative to ask whether he's dating anyone special — oh, and by the way, could you have her name and address?)

No one will fault you for tacking “and guest” onto the names in the inner envelopes. It's done every day, for weddings formal and informal, and is becoming more and more standard practice. It's very kind of you to let your guests invite their own guests to your daughter's wedding; leave it at that and move on.

Responses

MOBs and brides alike love to run to the mailbox and gather up the responses to the wedding invitations. Organize a checklist with the names of the invitees, so that you'll be able to easily tally a final head count for the caterer. If a guest simply fails to respond, don't be shy about making a phone call. There's no need to be snippy with the errant invitee, though. It's possible that this person forgot all about sending the response card, or just didn't realize the etiquette surrounding it.