It's very important that you don't try to get through this without help. Too many people are hurt, especially financially, by not seeking professional help when they need it. Most people realize how important it is to hire a lawyer if they're divorcing their spouse. Many people will suggest it to them; their friends, their mediator, their therapist will probably all suggest hiring an attorney to represent their interests. Not being married doesn't mean that you shouldn't hire a lawyer, too. If you're separating from your partner, married or not, there are many legal and financial issues to sort through.

Unfortunately, lawyers cost money — sometimes a lot of money, especially if the two parties don't initially agree and their lawyers spend a lot of time researching and negotiating. Reduce this time and cost by getting educated about the separation process. Consider using a mediator to help maneuver you and your ex through as much of the negotiations yourself as possible without the expensive help of an attorney.

Online Resources

Financial savvy is important in any negotiation. You don't have to be an expert, but understanding the ramifications of your decisions is important. Review the general financial online resources in the Web Resources section of Appendix B. Study the sites that help with the parts of financial planning that you have the most uncertainty about.

A quick web search of the word “divorce” will yield a huge number of pages. Look for sites that are journalistic and not sales oriented. Check each site's About Us link to understand how the site makes its money. Check out blogs for information on how others are dealing with their divorce. And don't rely on legal information you find online; check with your attorney before making a decision.

Using a Mediator to Save Money

A mediator will meet with you and your soon-to-be-ex to facilitate a separation agreement. The idea is that meeting with a trained facilitator should help you work out many of the agreement questions on your own. A good mediator will help you do this quickly and will create an agreement your lawyer can review to be sure it protects your interests.

Anyone can claim to be a divorce mediator. Be sure the person you pick has experience and treats both of you with respect. Call the references they give you. Check the Academy of Family Mediators at www.mediate.com for a list of mediators in your area.

Don't start or continue mediation if you don't feel able to work directly with your ex in a negotiation. Mediation won't work if you're not able to stand up for your interests. The power structure that dictated your roles in your relationship will still exist in mediation. If this will put you at a big disadvantage or cause you too much stress, it will be better to skip the mediator and have your lawyer negotiate on your behalf.