When They Just Don't “Get It”
Even among loved ones, migraines remain a source of contention.
Why does the migraineur get so much “special treatment” from work and family? Why does Mom get to sleep in all day? The more pertinent question may be, why is it so difficult when friends and family don't seem to understand the pain involved with migraines?
Part of the conflict stems from expectations. Loved ones, the people we surround ourselves with every day, are generally held to a higher moral standard than coworkers or casual acquaintances. Migraineurs expect them to understand all the issues surrounding the management of a chronic disease, and so they are disappointed when family fails to come through.
This disappointment is unfortunately a side effect of the human condition. People expect more from those they love. When you are failed by family and friends, it hurts because you did not anticipate their failure. Is the answer that migraineurs must lower the expectations they hold for their loved ones? A more practical solution lies in education. If friends and family are taught the true nature, experience, and ramifications of suffering migraines, they will have the tools to display both sympathy and empathy for the disease.
However, in some cases, despite your best efforts to educate, family and friends may not provide the support you need. When this happens, don't go it alone. Seek out help in migraine support groups or private counseling.
Remember that, despite the gravity and inconvenience of migraine disease, migraine suffers are more than their disease. They are mothers, doctors, friends, lawyers, and waitresses. Migraine disease does not define the individual. Rather, it becomes a part of one's identity. A large part, to be sure, but it is only a piece. True friends will be able to see beyond the migraine and support the individual behind the pain.
Perhaps you've heard the old saying that it takes more muscle power to frown than it does to smile. Fact or fiction, the reality is that smiling is free. Take advantage of this renewable source of goodwill to forgive those who simply “don't get it,” and move on.
When dealing with those who are short-sighted, though, do not forget to smile. The simple act of smiling promises to brighten your day, relieve anxiety, and promote good feelings in those around you. At the end of the day, if someone does not want to understand the nature of migraines, no amount of explanation on your part will do the trick.
