You don't have to be in a same-sex relationship to experience couple's menopause. Though the phenomenon of male menopause was first the subject of research in the 1940s, even twenty years ago you would have had to search for scientific references to male menopause. Today, the medical and psychological communities treat the subject with much more respect.

Men Have Their Own Change

You've probably heard the worn-out jokes about men going through a midlife crisis — a syndrome that somehow manifests itself in the form of a hairpiece, a twenty-something trophy wife, or a shiny red sports car. Well, many men do experience a psychosocial passage known as a midlife crisis, triggered by flagging sexuality, career plateaus, and the realization that “having it all” isn't all it was cracked up to be. But that midlife event, as important as it may be, isn't the same as male menopause.

Male menopause, known as andropause in the medical community, reportedly affects nearly 40 percent of men between the ages of forty and sixty. All men begin producing less testosterone after the age of forty. As testosterone levels decrease, men may find that they experience fewer erections, that the erections are more difficult to sustain, and that they experience longer intervals between erections. Male menopause can result in a wide range of symptoms in men including lethargy, depression, mood swings, insomnia, hot flashes, irritability, and decreased sexual desire.

Diminishing testosterone in the bloodstream isn't the only culprit behind male menopause. Other factors include obesity, excess alcohol consumption, hypertension and the medications used to treat it, lack of exercise, and other “middle-age plagues” that damage health. While medications have been developed to treat erectile dysfunction, testosterone therapy is one of the few non-behavioral medical treatments available for combating male menopause.

Two Women Does Not Equal an Easy Time

If you are in a same-sex relationship, the chances are very good that at some point you and your mate may both be experiencing symptoms of approaching menopause. Although it may seem that sharing a household with another menopausal woman could lead to increased conflict, you also have a life-partner who may be better able to understand your experience. Both of you will need to remember, however, that every woman's menopause experience is unique, so neither of you can expect the other to have the same symptoms or reactions to those symptoms.

So what does this have to do with your passage through perimenopause and menopause?

If you and your mate are both experiencing the mood swings, irritability, and other negative effects of menopause at the same time, both of you may have a rougher time dealing with the experience. Your partner may or may not understand or accept her own struggle with midlife passage, and that could put extra demands on your patience and understanding — at a time when you won't feel particularly well endowed with either. The message here is that your partner may not have the reserves of patience and support necessary to help you through all of the rough patches of menopause, and at times you may have to draw on your deepest supply of those qualities to avoid throwing gasoline on the smoldering fires of family discord.