Old schools of thought tell you that, like a fairy tale monster that feeds on fear, menopause exists only in the imagination and is best defeated by denying its existence. According to this philosophy, you won't have any problems with perimenopause if you simply ignore it. Nice try, but perimenopause doesn't really work that way.

Perimenopause and menopause are real medical and psychological events, with some actual indicators and symptoms. Perimenopause is unique to each woman, so no one can know what you're feeling and experiencing during this time. You may experience no symptoms of perimenopause, or you may have hot flashes or mood swings that you are certain everyone around you must notice. Bottling up your feelings and trying to hide your perimenopausal symptoms from your family your close friends may seem like the best thing for them, but in fact unlikely to help anyone — particularly you — understand and deal with the realities of this time in your life.

One of the most important things you can do to make your peri-menopausal experience sane and healthy (for you and your family) is communicate openly with them about your physical and emotional condition. Talk about your symptoms and how they affect your mood, concentration, ability to sleep, level of anxiety, or whatever applies to your experience. Answer their questions and ask for their understanding. perimenopause is making you irritable and impatient, try to establish some mutual rules for resolving family issues and avoiding unnecessary conflicts. Ask those you care about to help you find a way for everyone to move through the experience and emerge in one piece.

When It's a Family Affair

If you're sharing a life-changing moment with your child, you're going to have to be patient, strong, and attentive. Your spouse or partner may have to step in and take a more active role in parenting, to relieve you of some of the stress and responsibility during certain phases your perimenopausal changes. You may find that you need a mediator to work through some family difficulties — a relative, counselor, teacher, or family friend.

You and your mate may have to spend more time listening to each other and learning new patterns of behavior. Things are evolving in your life and, therefore, in your relationship. Take this opportunity to revisit the way you think about your lover, life-mate, partner, and friend and begin interacting with that person on a deeper, more meaningful level.

You can rest assured that your mother and older female relatives have shared at least some portion of your experience in perimenopause. This experience may offer an opportunity to relate to your family in entirely new ways — and, with any luck, at least some of those ways will be positive!

Give Everyone a Break

Most importantly, try not to waste time judging yourself or your loved ones on the success rate of your communications and relationships during this time. If perimenopause teaches anything, it is that you continue to be a work in progress. Every day will offer new challenges and perhaps some new insights and opportunities to learn something about yourself, your family, your coworkers, and the ways you interact with all of them. If you cut yourself a little slack — accept the fact that once in a while you won't feel and act exactly as you may wish you could — you're more likely to give those around you a little more breathing room, too. Everybody's learning as they go; but when you enter peri-menopause, your body signals to you that your life lessons are about to become much more interesting.