In the past, it was generally accepted that women lost their desire for sex as they approached menopause, and that the passage through menopause led inevitably toward the eventual death of the libido. Today, most people know that idea is simply untrue and dismiss it as outdated mythology; still, there are physical changes that do affect sexuality and the more familiar you are with them, the better you are able to work with your body to define your sexual self.

Thanks to the burgeoning numbers of women moving into midlife, the discussion, research, and medical information on maturing female sexuality has never been richer. Women can educate themselves about exactly what kinds of physical symptoms and changes may affect their sexuality during menopause and how to maintain optimum sexual health during this time. Being explicit about sexual needs paves the way for a sexual revolution as socially significant as the first one these baby boomers experienced back in the 1960s — an era of the sexually confident, healthy, and vital midlife woman!

Face It, Don't Fear It

There are some legitimate reasons that sexual desire and activity may slow down during perimenopause. It's best to face them squarely so that they can be addressed. Here are some common reasons women may experience a decline in sexual interest:

• Painful intercourse, resulting from vaginal dryness and atrophy

• Lack of a partner or a partner's declining ability to satisfy

• Feelings of low self-esteem or physical undesirability

• Feeling too tired, too busy, or otherwise preoccupied to enjoy sexual activity

Every woman has unique sexual needs and interests, and many women (and men) have a decreased sexual desire at some point in their lives. But if you find your interest in sex waning — at any age — it's important to understand why. Maintaining and nurturing your sexuality is important for your physical and emotional health. You shouldn't expect to stop enjoying sex as you age.

Listen to Your Sexual Self

Dispelling the myths of sexuality requires being in touch with your authentic sexual self. Your sexuality has evolved with the rest of you, and the entire package has changed dramatically over the past twenty years. Your sexual interests and responses change, too. Sexual techniques you used to enjoy might have lost some — or all — of their appeal over time. As your sexual tastes evolve, you can find totally new and different ways to enjoy sex.

But if you suddenly realize that sex no longer holds any interest for you; or that you don't like your body enough to share it in sexual relations with anyone; or that it's just too painful, awkward, difficult, or otherwise unpleasant to “mess with” sex, ask yourself when — and why — these feelings arose in you. You're too young (at any age) to just walk away from a sexually fulfilling life.

Whatever the culture tells us about sex, staying sexually fulfilled is a normal, reasonable expectation. You deserve and benefit from a healthy, active sex life — whether you have a partner or not. If you aren't enjoying (or even thinking about) sex, you have many options for regaining your sexual enjoyment — whether that involves exploring new sexual techniques, examining your attitudes about sexuality, or investigating possible medical causes for your diminishing sexual interests or abilities.