Midlife is a time of family and social upheaval for many women. There are many aspects of life that shift or change as you go through your forties and fifties. Your marriage, your children, your parents, your job situation, and your peer group can all present challenges.

Your Marriage

Midlife can bring many changes to your marriage or relationship. Even if you have been together for many years, you may discover that busy lives and separate jobs have made you strangers to each other. While many couples look forward to an “empty nest” in order to enjoy the peace and privacy of being a couple again, others find that they are uncomfortable spending more time together. It is a time for reassessment of life priorities and can be very unsettling as people define their future together. If your relationship has been rocky in the past but children or careers distracted you from seeing the flaws, midlife can be an uncomfortable awakening. And if you have longed for more time together, it can be a second honeymoon. Like everything about the menopause journey, it is highly individual and there are lots of opportunities for reinventing your life and love relationships.

Your Children

If you have children, they are getting older, too. They may be leaving for school or work, and slipping out from your watchful eye and protection. The range in your children's ages can be anything from toddlers to independent adults as you go through this passage of menopause. Obviously, this can be the source of both worry and delight. You may be anxious about the money to put your kids through college, or worried about how to get services for a special needs child or grandchild. You may have grown children living with you who want their own freedom and control over their lives but don't yet have the means to live on their own. Your energy may be fading and you may not enjoy the conflict that raising teenagers can sometimes provoke. If your job has become increasingly responsible, you may have less time to spend at home, managing the needs of your children.

Sometimes this can be the perfect moment to begin teaching your children the skills of independence. But if you are still responsible for children of any age, it will take time and energy. Find resources to support you with your parenting. Extended family, social services, local children's hospitals, company employee-assistance programs, and friends can all offer suggestions for whatever type of parenting support you might need.

Your Friends

Many women consider friends to be their lifesavers in times of turmoil. If you have friends who are in the perimenopausal years, they will relate to your experience and be your companions on the road. Younger and older friends, too, can enrich your life and offer you perspective. Tell your friends what your menopausal experience is like for you. Help them understand the changes, and let them support you when you need a little boost.

Find friends who are positive and helpful. If you are feeling sad or irritable, work with your friends to find ways to make sure that your mood won't damage your friendships. A sense of humor shared with a friend can see you through tough times. Cranky teenagers and aging parents are all handled better if you have a friend to confide in.

Your Parents

They don't call this life stage the “sandwich generation” for nothing. It is very common for people of this age to be parenting their own children while becoming increasingly responsible for aging or fragile parents. If your parent lives nearby, you may become their caretaker, and if they live far away, you may find yourself worrying about their health and well-being. This is not an easy or simple responsibility, and it may take family time and resources to support them in their later years.

As with other relationships, this is a time of life to find a comfortable place emotionally with your parents. The time spent with them can be a source of memory building and friendship. You will be trying to respect their need for autonomy and still protect them from hazards such as falling and disease. Although the role reversal can be trying, it is also a chance to rework your connection as adults. Most importantly, keep yourself healthy within it. Make use of any informal and professional supports available to you to preserve your health and sanity. Set up Meals on Wheels for your widowed father. Get your mother's weekly grocery list, and arrange for delivery via Internet if it is available in her town. Take it on as a family project, if your family is able, and have your teenagers spend time doing errands for their grandparents. Sit down with your family and let them help you think about ways to assist your parents respectfully in their time of failing health. Your family may surprise you with their creative suggestions for dealing with grandma or grandpa. And you are modeling for your children how to cope with the situation. Someday they may be in your shoes, helping you make decisions. Show them how it can be done.