Know Your Support Systems
Emily Dickinson said, “My friends are my estate.” Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” Each of you living with breast cancer will discover the power of friends. You will witness the love, companionship, and the caring impact of friends. There are some universal truths to friendship and support. One is that friends can truly make a difference in your life, especially in times of need. It is one way to know who your friends truly are.
Friends have different roles. Some friends will be ahead of you, anticipating your every need, some will be behind you, picking up the pieces, and some will walk beside you in silence. At the end of your breast cancer journey, your real friends will be there and a bond will remain forever. You will also meet new friends — perhaps someone who is going through the breast cancer experience at the same time or someone you have talked to who has lived through the breast cancer experience and has been a support to you.
Essential
“You will have many friends around you and it is similar to running a race. Everyone runs their race in various ways: some run real fast in the beginning because that's their pace, some run slow and steady, and some run slow in the beginning and catch up when others are tired and weak. Your real friends will be there at the end no matter what pace you set. You will lose some along the way and gain some along the way, but the end result is the same. Your true friends will be there alongside you whatever the pace.”
— An Anonymous Friend
Friends tend to be more objective than family by virtue of their relationship to you. Family members, in many ways, have no choice other than to be there. You have a place in your family that has already been set. You may be the one who holds things together, the peacemaker, and the “make-nice” person in the family unit. You may be the caretaker for everyone — your children, friends, coworkers, and extended family. The amazing thing about breast cancer is that it doesn't change who you are, but it may change the circumstances and roles that you play in the family. If you have been the nurturer in the family, then being the receiver of help may be a very difficult role for you. And vice versa — if you are the one who is the strength in the family, it will be difficult to be in a position in which family members now have to give you strength.
The systems theory can be easily applied to family life and what your role is in the family. One of the main tenets of systems theory is that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. When one family member has a life-threatening illness such as breast cancer, then other parts or members will be disrupted and the system will need to adapt and change to make the family system work for you.
In Her Own Words
To allow for beautifully colored hair, we allow for processing time. After the initial shock of a cancer diagnosis, processing time is essential. Give yourself the time, space, and freedom to experience the full gamut of emotions. Afterward you will be ready to embrace the highlights of your beautiful new life.
— Michelle, age 38, 1-year survivor
Take an inventory of your support system, whether it is made up of family, or family and friends, or only friends. Remember, as Emily Dickinson said, they will be your “estate,” or your assets, during your breast cancer treatments.
