A man is racing to the bathroom, a second man is leaving it, and a third man is still inside.
Can you guess their nationalities?
Russian, Finnish, and European.
What did Mother say to Father when their baby boy fell down the stairs?
“Oh, look, honey! Our little boy is taking his first twenty-three steps!”
Mother: Why did you put a frog in your sister's bed?
Jimmy: I couldn't find a snake.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
“Waiter! There's a cockroach in my salad!”
“Please don't shout, sir. Or else the other customers will be asking for one, too!”
“Everything about life is funny.”
— Monica Seles
Teacher: Oh dear! I've lost another pupil.
Principal: How did that happen?
Teacher: My glass eye flew out the window while I was driving.
Did you hear about the poor girl who swallowed the thermometer?
She's dying by degrees.
What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's burp?
One is a bar room, and the other is a bar-OOOOM!
Do you remember when you lost your baby teeth?
Yeah, and was I surprised my dad could hit a baseball that hard!
“A train smashed into my bicycle, and I didn't even get hurt.”
“My brother Dave was riding it.”
How do you keep a rooster from crowing on Sunday morning?
Make rooster stew Saturday night.
Why doesn't your sister like eating dill pickles?
She keeps getting her head stuck in the jar.
“That bully down the street just broke my finger!”
“Gosh, how did he do that?”
“He hit me in the nose.”
Did you hear about the new principal who's been keeping the boys on their toes?
He raised all the urinals six inches.