Way-Out Out West (Cowboy Jokes)
A cowboy was riding his horse one day when he accidentally got thrown off. The quick-thinking horse pulled the cowboy to a shady oasis, propped him up against a tree, and then galloped off for help. He soon returned with some folks from a neighboring town, including a doctor. The doctor and the others brought the cowboy into town and nursed him back to full health.
A week later, when the cowboy was telling his buddies at the saloon this story, one of them said, “That's the gol-dang smartest horse I ever heard tell of.”
“Aw, he ain't that smart,” said the cowboy. “The doctor he brung with him was a vet.”
A cowboy bought a beautiful new horse. The salesman told him that the horse's former owner had been a famous preacher.
“This horse is very religious,” said the salesman. “And he only responds to special commands. For instance, instead of saying Giddy-up, you say Praise the Lord. And instead of telling him to Whoa! you say Hallelujah. Got that?”
“Praise the Lord and Hallelujah,” nodded the cowboy.
Weeks later, the cowboy was riding through unfamiliar territory. Gorges and cliffs fell hundreds of feet on either side of the trail. The cowboy wanted to stop and take a rest, but he confused the two words the salesman had taught him.
“Praise the Lord,” the cowboy said, but the horse kept on galloping faster and faster. The cowboy saw that the trail up ahead ended in a dangerous cliff. He tugged and pulled at the reins even harder and yelled, “Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!” but the horse continued to race toward the cliff.
All at once, the cowboy remembered the right word.
“Hallelujah!” he cried.
The horse immediately stopped, mere inches from the crumbling edge of the cliff.
The cowboy breathed a sigh of relief and pulled off his hat, wiping the dust from his eyes.
“Praise the Lord,” he said.
Three little turtles, who lived in the same house together, were having Sunday dinner. They each sipped their own bowl of soup.
“This soup would sure taste better with some bread,” said the first turtle.
“We're all out of bread,” said the second turtle.
“Well, I'm not going to the store,” said the third, and littlest, turtle. “If I go, you two will eat my soup.”
The other two turtles promised him they would never touch his soup. “Go to the store and hurry back,” said the first turtle. So the littlest turtle reluctantly walked out the door.
Minutes stretched into hours. Hours stretched into days. A week later, the turtles were still waiting for their friend to return from the store with the bread.
The first turtle said, “I don't think he's ever coming back. We might as well go ahead and have his soup.”
Just then, the littlest turtle poked his head back inside the door. “See?” he said. “I knew if I left you guys would eat my dinner!”