Anything for a Laugh
Teacher: Jimmy, I hope I didn't see you copying Amy's test paper.
Midge and Amy went to a county fair and found one of those old-fashioned fortune-telling weight machines. Amy got on first. When the card popped out, Midge read, “It says here that you are clever, beautiful, and charming.” “Really?” said Amy. “Yeah,” said Midge. “And it has your weight wrong, too.”
Meghan: My mom complains about everything! She bought me two new T-shirts, a red one and a yellow one, and I put on the red one for school yesterday. At breakfast my mom says, “So what's wrong with the yellow one?”Mother: Did you take a bath today?
Stranger: You catching any fish, kid?
Mother: Your hair is starting to get wavy.
Lisa: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I get a new pair of shoes.
Midge: I'm on a new diet and exercise program. Every morning after breakfast I go horseback riding.
Melody: I think our neighbor Mrs. Johnson must be upset about something. She hasn't been over to visit for weeks.
Larry: I've never had a problem with backseat driving, and I've been driving for over fifteen years.
Thom: At my job I have a hundred men under me.
Teacher: What is a light year?
Rosie: What kind of fish are you frying?
Doctor: Young man, you're going to need a flu shot.
Jimmy: Where were you born?
Gretchen: How does Old MacDonald spell “farm”?
Troy: Excuse me, are you the head doctor here?
Parasites are people from Paris Peruse are people from Peru Maracas are people from Morocco Canyons are people from Kenya Goblets are people from Turkey
Teacher: Do you know what we call the person who delivers children?
Trent: That sure is cool exercise equipment.
Heather: You should see my new watch. It's rust-proof, dustproof, shockproof, waterproof, and never needs batteries.
Jimmy: My older brother Dave crashed his car into a tree going forty miles an hour.
Here are the names of six states. Put them in the correct blanks to make three silly state riddles.
HINT: The pictures will give you a clue!