Teacher: Jimmy, I hope I didn't see you copying Amy's test paper. Jimmy: Boy, I hope you didn't either!

Midge and Amy went to a county fair and found one of those old-fashioned fortune-telling weight machines. Amy got on first. When the card popped out, Midge read, “It says here that you are clever, beautiful, and charming.” “Really?” said Amy. “Yeah,” said Midge. “And it has your weight wrong, too.”

Meghan: My mom complains about everything! She bought me two new T-shirts, a red one and a yellow one, and I put on the red one for school yesterday. At breakfast my mom says, “So what's wrong with the yellow one?”Mother: Did you take a bath today? Kyle: Why, is one missing?

Stranger: You catching any fish, kid? Alex: Yes, sir! I caught at least twelve big ones. Stranger: Do you know who I am? I'm the local fishing warden. Alex: Do you know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the county.

Mother: Your hair is starting to get wavy. Father: Really? Mother: Yes, it's waving goodbye!

Lisa: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I get a new pair of shoes. Midge: I thought that's where you got them.

Midge: I'm on a new diet and exercise program. Every morning after breakfast I go horseback riding. Amy: Is it working? Midge: So far the horse has lost ten pounds.

Melody: I think our neighbor Mrs. Johnson must be upset about something. She hasn't been over to visit for weeks. Father: Find out what happened, and next time she comes over we'll try it again.

Larry: I've never had a problem with backseat driving, and I've been driving for over fifteen years. Luna: What kind of car do you drive? Larry: A hearse.

Thom: At my job I have a hundred men under me. Kurt: Where do you work? Thom: The cemetery. Kurt: Well, at my job everyone looks up to me. Thom: What do you do? Kurt: I'm a kindergarten teacher.

Teacher: What is a light year? Melody: A year with very little homework.

Rosie: What kind of fish are you frying? Mother: Smelt. Rosie: I sure can. But what kind of fish is it?

Doctor: Young man, you're going to need a flu shot. Matt: Will it hurt? Doctor: I'll be fine, but thanks for asking.

Jimmy: Where were you born? Derek: On Rivers Avenue. Jimmy: You're lucky you weren't run over by a bus! Amy: The dog bit me in a very painful spot. Rosie: Where'd he bite you? Amy: In the backyard!

Gretchen: How does Old MacDonald spell “farm”? Heather: E. I. E. I. O.

Troy: Excuse me, are you the head doctor here? Doctor: No, I'm the foot doctor.

Jokin' Around

Jiggy Geography

Parasites are people from Paris Peruse are people from Peru Maracas are people from Morocco Canyons are people from Kenya Goblets are people from Turkey

Teacher: Do you know what we call the person who delivers children? Melody: She's called Mom. She delivers me to school, to my girlfriends' houses, to the mall, to soccer practice …

Trent: That sure is cool exercise equipment. Matt: Thanks, I got it at the gym. Trent: Did they have a sale? Matt: No, they had a sign that said Free Weights.

Heather: You should see my new watch. It's rust-proof, dustproof, shockproof, waterproof, and never needs batteries. Gretchen: Cool, let's see it. Heather: I lost it. So if you should see it, let me know!

Jimmy: My older brother Dave crashed his car into a tree going forty miles an hour. Troy: Wow! I didn't know trees could move that fast!

Geo-Giggles

Here are the names of six states. Put them in the correct blanks to make three silly state riddles.

HINT: The pictures will give you a clue!