The Clitoral Orgasm
Long heralded as “the only avenue to female orgasm,” the clitoris has always been known as the woman's pleasure center. The clitoris has the largest bundle of nerve endings of any organ in the body, male or female. It stays active from birth to death and is as much a source of pleasure as it is frustration.
The clitoris is located on the outside of the woman's body toward the top of her vulva—the opening to her vagina. The same tissue that makes up the sides of the vulva and the labia covers the clitoris with a hood of skin. The hood extends over the clitoris and generally covers it to protect it from overstimulation.
In the past, many young women have been encouraged not to touch themselves, or explore their genital area. They may have been shamed, discouraged, and even threatened by an authority figure in their life. As a result, these women didn't give themselves permission to self-pleasure or at least explore their “Sacred Garden” until later in life.
Orgasms can feel brief, expansive, deep, short, extended, mild, earthshaking, odd, and any other variety of adjectives you might want to ascribe to them. Strong ones can come when you least expect them, or when you do expect them, they can be “blips.” Unless you are well trained in the matters of love, you just never know what you are going to get.
Many women still don't feel comfortable touching themselves, let alone receiving the full pleasure that is their birthright. No wonder that they struggle or at least feel frustration when it comes to orgasmic pleasure. But you must know what pleases you (pressure, stroke, etc.) and how to facilitate an orgasm in yourself.
Building a Wave of Pleasure
When the clitoris is stimulated, it begins to fill with a surge of blood, much like the penis. The spongy material around the nerve bundle fills and causes the clitoris to actually become erect. As this happens, the clitoris enlarges slightly and you become more aroused. If you are getting the kind of stimulus you like, you should continue the build of excitement toward an orgasm.
However, often at the point of around 8—on an arousal scale of 1 to 10—the woman will have a variety of experiences that will prevent her from continuing the climb toward orgasm. She may tense her body excessively, she may stop breathing altogether, or she may begin to worry that she's taking too long—any number of both physical and mental bad habits may creep into her experience to put a damper on her pleasure.
Learning to relax and deep breathe into the belly will help tremendously. Focusing your mind on your pleasure sensations is a wonderful way to learn a kind of meditation technique. Learning to break down the barriers that prevent you from communicating what you need to your partner will greatly enhance both of your experiences.
This focused attention will also allow you to develop a kind of wave of sensations that you can trust and ride all the way to orgasm. There may be hills and valleys, but there are no ravines to fall into. As you master this wave, you will get better at knowing your body's responses and how to respond to them.
Becoming conscious of the minute details of your orgasmic potential seems like a selfish thing, but the opposite is true. When you become good at managing and receiving your own pleasure, you will want sex much more. It will be satisfying and rejuvenating. This is a journey with a goal for both of you to travel.
In erotic love manuals of the East, including the Kama Sutra, the hand position that is often referred to for stimulating the woman's clitoris is called “Angulirata.” It is described as using the first three fingers on the hand together to form a kind of an elephant's trunk shape. Put your fingers together such that if you look down at the three fingertips of your fingers you'll notice that they form a triangle. Your middle finger is positioned on top of the two other fingers that are close together but not quite touching.
By forming the fingers in this configuration, it is possible to anchor the clitoral shaft and stimulate the head and tip of the clitoris. The clitoris's nerve bundle can be elusive and a bit wiggly. By anchoring the shaft, you can keep it stationary, and massage and stimulate it appropriately. The two outside fingers anchor it and the middle finger stimulates.