Eye Gazing

Eye gazing is something you may not be used to. In this culture, it's often difficult to meet someone else's eyes. You avoid each other's eyes because you feel that you have to protect yourself. Sometimes being vulnerable with a person you have just met isn't safe.

▲ Eye gazing—a stone sculpture from India

Be Seen

You can get out of practice at meeting another's eyes. This can even extend to your partners and lovers if you feel as though there is something you can't say to them. Being open and vulnerable with your lover means the lights have to be on—or at least a candle is lit. You must “be seen” and be able to “see” your partner.

When eye gazing, you should not try to do anything. Just relax. You won't need a smile on your face or a frown or a quizzical look. Just think about being open and soft and receptive. That's all it takes.

The Eye-Gazing Exercise

Sit facing your partner cross-legged or in two straight-backed chairs that are very close together. Your knees should be touching either way with your hands resting easy in your lap. Take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed to get relaxed. Open your eyes slowly and look into the eyes across from you. Nothing to do—nowhere to go—just gaze softly.

You may find that you want to giggle at first, or talk, or say that this is silly. Resist the temptation to giggle. Gaze into the eyes in front of you and see them as deep pools. Keep your eyes focused on your partner's for at least five minutes.

How did that feel? Did you find yourself dropping into your lover's eyes even deeper? Try eye gazing up-close next time, say, five inches from his face. How does that feel?

What's in It for You?

Eye gazing opens your soul to another. You have a chance to drop your defenses and practice being vulnerable. When you are physically close to someone you love, the chemicals of love get transmitted more readily.

Pheromones, the attraction chemicals your body produces, are transmitted via your breath. Oxytocin, the bonding chemical produced during lovemaking, orgasm, and childbirth, builds up when you gaze lovingly with your mate. Oxytocin improves your immune system, calms your breathing, and lowers your blood pressure. Those are all valuable components for a healthy lifestyle and they're produced by love and connection.

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