In Judaism, the process of tishuvah, of return and repentance that we emphasize on Yom Kippur or on our wedding day, has several steps. The first is to think about what we have not done right and what sinful actions we have taken that we would like to change. The second step is to verbalize how we want to change. In Judaism, this act of confession is not done in front of other people, but it is between ourselves and God.

On Yom Kippur we confess by reciting the viduy prayer ten times throughout the day. Some people recite a smaller version of it every day in their prayers. A day of fasting and return such as a wedding day is especially fitting for these confessionary prayers. The third step in tishuvah, return, is to ask forgiveness of those we have sinned against, whether ourselves, other people, or God. The fourth step is to truly change — to make an inner decision to act differently in the future and transform into a different person than we were before the process of tishuvah.

The viduy, the confessionary prayers, can be found in the Yom Kippur prayer book. The prayer usually consists of a list of sins or bad traits that we may have engaged in and that we wish to change and be forgiven for. We express how we are humbled before God and before the things we have done wrong and how much we want to change for the future, and then we recite a list of things we might have done wrong that we wish to change. You can use this list as it is for confession between you and God or you can make your own list or take aspects of both.

Take some time before this prayer to reflect upon your life and what you would like to change as you embark on your new life with your fiancé. Ask God for help in seeing what to change and in helping you see how to shed parts of your old self to uncover more of your divine self. When both bride and groom have engaged in this process independently they will no doubt be ready to enter a relationship of humility and positive growth with each other.

In order for this personal day of atonement to be productive, the bride and groom must set aside time to be spent alone by themselves. You can certainly pray with a community if that is what you usually do, but before or after communal prayer you should find a special place to reflect where no one will bother you. It does not have to be a long time — just long enough to focus on the significance of the day and your personal tishuvah, the significance of the life-altering day you are about to embark upon.