A few years ago, the phrase prenuptial agreement might have brought to mind the very rich or famous nitpicking over which partner in case of certain divorce gets the vacation castle in the south of France and which gets the Aston Martin. Today, however, prenuptial agreements are quite common, and they often address religious and cultural situations as well as financial arrangements. Some couples have several prenuptial agreements and some have one document that weaves together agreed-upon financial considerations as well as cultural or religious values and methods of living together.

Financial Prenuptials

Some couples have a lot of anxiety and doubts about the notion of signing a financial prenuptial agreement. They feel that nothing would quash their romantic wedding feelings like signing a prenuptial agreement that essentially delineates the couple's financial plan in case of divorce and, to a lesser extent, within the marriage.

If a couple does not trust each other and requires a prenuptial agreement for this underlying reason, the prenuptial might be a good idea, but perhaps the couple should consider seeing a counselor to address the mistrust between them and the ways in which those feelings might affect their relationship as a whole. On the other hand, if the couple does essentially trust each other but for tangential reasons thinks it wise to have a prenuptial agreement, there is much to be said for this.

A couple might opt for a financial prenuptial agreement if the couple is marrying when they are older and already have older children, especially if their respective children desire to retain their own parent's inheritance. Another reason might be to protect one spouse if the other is truly not financially responsible or is an addicted gambler or shopper. A prenuptial agreement can also serve to put the financial aspect of your marriage out in the open, and this exercise in honesty and vulnerability can often be good for a couple, especially if one spouse feels less financially equipped, educated, or empowered than the other.

When it is time to actually draft the prenuptial agreement, you will each need lawyers to represent you individually. This is wise because each lawyer's job is to represent one of the parties so that no ethical conflicts emerge.

When you write a prenuptial agreement, it is important to be open and honest about your assets. It is also important to express your love and commitment even within the terms of the agreement, to see the prenuptial agreement as a way of providing for each other in case of the other's death or in case of divorce. Express that you hope all goes well but that no one can tell the future and so the prenuptial agreement is there to help protect both of you and your families. View the prenuptial agreement not as an expression of mistrust but more as an insurance policy. Judaism itself believes that if a marriage is based upon not only love but on a clear sense of the couple's obligations and requirements to each other, this will produce a sound foundation upon which to build a long-lasting marriage.

Religious Prenuptials

Some couples also use a prenuptial contract as a way of delineating the practice and provisions of their religious life together. This is especially true if the bride and groom come from very different religious backgrounds and their practices are different or if they have children of their own at the time of their marriage to each other.

For instance, if two people are marrying and they each have children from previous marriages, they may want to come to some basic agreements and ground rules for how to educate and raise their children religiously together.

One example is the situation of Jonathan and Leah. Their wedding was to be a second marriage for both of them and they each had one child that they were bringing into the marriage. Leah grew up as an Orthodox Jewish person and was observant of the Sabbath and kosher laws; Jonathan did not but was interested in attempting to learn more about this but was unsure how much he would be comfortable committing to. Since they were already a mature couple, they understood that along with the romance of a marriage come many practical curves that must be navigated carefully to live a harmonious life together in which each partner feels that their needs are being met.

In addition to a structured religious prenuptial agreement that addressed the provisions of their commitment to a religious divorce if they were to become divorced, Jonathan and Leah wrote a prenuptial agreement that outlined the aspects of their commitments to religious life as they formed a new family. Through this agreement, they made room for Leah to have a kosher home and for her child to have a religious education. Jonathan, as someone who was newer to Jewish religious life, was able to clearly say how much he was willing to be expected to do religiously. In the prenuptial agreement, Jonathan agreed that both their children would be given a similar religious education and that Jonathan would attend services at times with Leah at her Orthodox synagogue. Leah agreed that it would be acceptable if Jonathan occasionally chose not to attend Saturday services and played golf instead.

For Leah and Jonathan, the delineation of some of their religious commitments in a written agreement allowed each to clarify and voice their expectations, needs, and potential areas of compromise. Leah agreed not to pressure Jonathan religiously as long as his actions did not affect the basic Jewish functioning of their home together and its religious spirit. In this way, Leah was assured that it would be enough of a religious Jewish environment for her and her child to feel comfortable, and Jonathan was assured of the freedom he needed and was able to outline what would and would not be expected of him. This kind of clear delineation often gives both parties security in their own personal lives. This freedom removes a potential source of religious struggle and can make room for both to actually grow closer together in their love and in their religious lives.