What Is an Ufruf?
Due to its special nature, the Shabbat preceding your wedding is associated with many unique and ancient Jewish customs. The most well-known Jewish custom on the Sabbath before a wedding, at least among Ashkenazi Jews, is the ufruf. Ufruf is a Yiddish word that means “the calling up,” since traditionally it was the day that the groom was given a special aliyah, a special calling up to the Torah in the synagogue.
The bride and groom are considered to be a king and queen. The Torah commands that a Jewish king must always carry a Torah with him in order to remember that it is not his honor but the honor of the Torah, of God, and of the people that he represents. So, too, a groom just before his wedding is like a king, and he must see the Torah as central to what he is about to do in the world. Accordingly, he is given a special aliyah on the Shabbat just prior to the wedding day. Some people even walk the groom or bride to the synagogue on this Shabbat in recognition of their royal status.
The Kabbalah teaches that the intimacy between the divine and our world is so intense on Shabbat that we reflect this in our own actions. This is one of the reasons that on Shabbat sexual activity between husband and wife is a special mitzvah, in that it mirrors the divine unity of the Sabbath day itself.
This day of the ufruf is a special one in the synagogue. The service might center around the groom and bride and their family and friends, perhaps with them leading the service and receiving aliot, which means they are called to the Torah to kiss it, make a blessing on it, and stand up on the bimah, the stage at the front of the synagogue, as it is read.
When the groom — in liberal Jewish denominations, usually the groom and the bride — are called to Torah, they are called up with a special tune, as if announcing the approach of royalty. Following the aliyah in most congregations people yell mazel tov and also sing “Simon Tov U'Mazel Tov,” a joyous Hebrew song. Some even have the custom of singing other special wedding songs or poems in honor of the bride and groom on this day.
One of the most memorable moments of most ufrufs is the throwing of candy or other sweets. In many synagogues, after the Torah portion is read and the last blessing is made, the congregation throws bags of candy at the honored couple. In the past candy, nuts, or raisins were thrown but today in most synagogues only candy is thrown. One reason given for the historical throwing of nuts, despite the slight risk of injury, is that in Hebrew each letter of the alphabet is associated with a number and the Hebrew word for nut, egoz, adds up to the number seventeen, which is also the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word tov, which means “good.” In any event, avoid using rock candy or half-pound bars of chocolate as these can bruise the groom or bride before their big day.
Though it is a sign of hope for a sweet life, being pelted with candy or nuts can hurt. If you are the one who is being honored remember to duck when the shower of candy starts. If you are wearing a talit, a prayer shawl, try spreading it over your head for some added protection.
The throwing of candy at an ufruf symbolizes our hope that the couple will have an overflowingly sweet life together. Some also say that it is a reference to the verse in the biblical love poem Shir Hashirim, the Song of Songs, in which one lover in the poem sees his lover's beauty as he walks into the garden: “I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley, and to see if the vine had blossomed, to see if the pomegranates were in bloom.” Jewish tradition teaches that this book of love poetry is not only a literal depiction of the passion and beauty of human lovers but an expression of the love and intimacy that can be cultivated between humans and the divine.
In the first Temple in Jerusalem built by King Solomon, there were two gates — one for mourners and one for people about to be married. This ensured that each would be greeted appropriately. To those about to marry, the people would say, “May the one Whose presence dwells in this house rejoice you with sons and daughters.”
In some synagogues, the singing of the traditional song “Siman Tov U'Mazel Tov” is followed by spontaneous dancing with the groom or with the bride and groom if they are both in the synagogue for the ufruf. Dancing and singing with them for a few minutes on the Sabbath is an expression of love and joy, and it prepares them for the joy of their imminent wedding. If you want the congregation to dance with you at your ufruf and are not sure if this is always done in your synagogue, talk to the rabbi beforehand. Some more formal synagogues do not follow the custom of dancing.
Throughout much of Jewish history, the Shabbat before the wedding — or for some Sephardic Jews, the Shabbat following the wedding — has been a special day for groom and bride. Many liturgical poems were sung for them, and during different eras in Jewish history special Torah portions were even read in their honor.
