Bircat Hamazon: A Special Grace after Meals
In Deuteronomy, the Torah states, “And you shall eat, and be satisfied, and bless the Lord your God on the good land which God has given you.” This commandment is fulfilled after each meal though the recital of the bircat hamazon, the grace after meals. Though different Jewish denominations might say different versions of this grace after meals the sentiment is the same — giving thanks to God for the food. The Talmud suggests it is more intuitive to thank God for food before eating when one is hungry than after one is full, but the Torah goes out of its way to command blessing God when we are full because that is usually when it is easiest to think only of ourselves.
The bircat hamazon that is recited after a wedding meal is unique and auspicious. In addition to the regular grace after meals blessing, it also contains a repetition of the sheva berachot.
The Process
Before the bircat hamazon the guests are asked to take a bencher booklet and, if they wish, to bring their chairs closer to the bride and groom's table. Two cups of wine are filled. The bircat hamazon will be said over the first cup, and the sheva berachot will be chanted over the second.
You may want to choose someone who is familiar with the bircat hamazon to lead it. If you don't have anyone who knows Hebrew or have many guests who do not, be sure to buy benchers that contain a translation and transliteration of the Hebrew text.
The first cup of wine is given to the leader of the bircat hamazon, who will hold it in his hand as he leads everyone. The bircat hamazon opens with several sentences that are read responsively, blessing God, “from Whose food we have eaten.” At the end of the bircat hamazon — but before the leader drinks any of the wine — the second cup is passed to those whom the bride and groom have chosen to honor with reciting one of the seven blessings. Each person in turn holds the cup and recites their blessing.
After the cup has been passed to each person to hold as they recite the blessing they have been given, the cup is passed back to the leader of the bircat hamazon. He makes the hagafen, the blessing over the wine, on the cup that was used for the grace after meals. Then the two cups of wine are mixed.
The method of mixing is quite specific. The two cups must produce three cups, each of which contains wine from the grace after meals cup and from the seven blessings cup. First pour from the cup upon which the grace after meals was recited into an empty third cup, and then pour some wine from the cup upon which the seven blessings were said into that same third cup. Now pour some of the mixture from the third cup back into the first two, and thus all three will contain wine from both cups mixed together. Some people like to use one cup of red and one of white for a more dramatic effect. One cup is then given to the leader of the bircat hamazon to drink, another is given to the bride to drink, and the third is given to the groom to drink.
The seven blessings recited after the meal will end with a blessing on the wine. This is in contrast to the ceremony under the chuppah, where the sheva berachot began with the blessing of the wine.
Do not be surprised if some of your unmarried friends come to ask for a sip of wine from your cup after you have drunk. There is a belief among some Jewish people that drinking from the cup of the bride or groom will help to bring those who are looking for a spouse good luck. While some might consider this superstitious, drinking from a cup of blessing is considered a source of blessing itself.
