Planning a wedding, a giant party given by two very different families for all of their friends and relatives, can be difficult. Though the stress of wedding planning can bring back past hurts and create the potential for explosive arguments, with some care and a team approach, the process of planning a wedding can be a joyous one.

Getting Started

Begin by making a list of all the things that will need to be arranged and the decisions that will need to be made; divide and conquer, reporting back to each other as things fall into place. Elicit input from each other and offer your opinions and preferences if you feel strongly about a particular item or arrangement.

Though this is sometimes a difficult beginning to a relationship, it can be a good proving ground, allowing you the experience of making decisions in times of difficulty as a couple. Use this as a learning process, not an opportunity to take your fiancé to task. Approach it with open eyes to realize how different the two of you are and how you make decisions differently.

Sharing the Load

Whether the wedding planning team is the bride and her mother or involves the groom and others, you should see yourselves as a team. Giving constructive input when it is needed is always good. A bride and groom and often one or both sets of parents can be very invested in the wedding. If the two families are from different cultures or traditions they may have very different images of how the wedding should go. Nonetheless, it is important to remember that a wedding is one day, but your relationship with each other needs to last a lifetime.

Jewish weddings are not a show but a holy event between the couple, between the two families, and between the community and God. If you keep your eyes on that bigger perspective, on what is truly valuable about a wedding, many of the potential conflicts can be averted.