In addition to the circles with which many Jewish wedding ceremonies open, there are many optional traditions that can be incorporated into your wedding ceremony to make it fit you, your fiancé, and the style with which you plan to forge your Jewish life together.

Fragrant Spices

Sephardic Jews generally do not perform any circles or utilize a yichud room, but they have several other traditions that are unique to their communities that you might draw upon. For instance, many Sephardic weddings include a blessing on sweet smelling spices such as myrtle leaves, or an etrog, a citron, the fragrant fruit which is used on the holiday of Sukkot and shaken together with the lulov, the palm branch. After the blessing thanking God for the fragrant sweet spices, they are passed around for others to smell and enjoy.

The blessing that is made before smelling the sweet spices is the same blessing made on spices at the havdalah ceremony that closes the Shabbat,, or anytime one smells fragrant spices: “Baruch atah adownay elohaynu melech haolam borey miney bisamim.” (“Blessed are you God Sovereign of the universe, who creates different kinds of fragrant smells.”) Even if you are not Sephardic, there is no reason you could not include this tradition in personalizing your wedding ceremony if it is meaningful to you.

Using your Prayerful Moment for Others

There is a temptation for the bride and groom to focus completely on the auspicious wedding moment and the relevance it has to them. After all, it is a moment of utter transformation in their lives. Jewish traditions teach that these moments under the chuppah are a time when one is particularly close to the divine presence. This being so, it has become popular for many brides and grooms to take a few moments under the chuppah to nudge their inner focus away from themselves and toward others who are in need. Under the chuppah, the gates of heaven are open, so it is a time when one's prayers can easily be accepted. Brides and grooms often opt to close their eyes and pray for friends and relatives who are in need of healing, or are in the process of trying to find their own bashert but have not had success.

One groom was standing under the chuppah in a state of great nervousness. He was focused on his bride and himself and the hundreds of people watching him make the biggest commitment of his life when his rabbi leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Pray now for the welfare of the Jewish people.” At first he was taken aback, but then he realized how shifting the focus from himself to the bigger picture of his brethren and their needs was a meaningful and liberating experience.

Joining Bride and Groom in a Talit

The spreading of a talit over the bride and groom — or even wrapping them in one — was a custom that until recently was only prevalent in Sephardic communities. In recent years, some Ashkenazi Jews of Eastern European ancestry have begun to embrace the tradition as well. At the beginning of the sheva berachot, close relatives or the parents of the bride and groom spread a talit over them, covering them both. For some Sephardic Jews this joining together under a talit takes the place of the yichud, and for some it is used in addition to the yichud. Sometimes additional blessings are offered to them or appropriate biblical verses or poetry are recited. The talit is then removed prior to the breaking of the glass.