Growing Together
From a Jewish perspective, personal growth is vital. For your relationship to be a great one, you must be fulfilled as individuals. This happens through constant growth, whether it is intellectual, personal, or religious. If one member of the couple is engaged in growth and the other is not they may find they are in different places. Not everything must be done together — you and your spouse may have different interests — but you must both be engaged in growth so you can share your experiences with each other.
Some people feel that their spouse must be everything to them. The reality is that usually spouses are very different; not only do they often have different interests, but people marry each other because they appreciate how different and sometimes opposite their spouses are from them. Your spouse is your life partner, your most trusted lover.
Just as in business and sales, a good attitude goes a long way. Always remember what you love about your spouse and their strengths and make time for happiness and joy together. However, this does not mean you can avoid talking about problems in your relationship.
However, this does not mean that your entire life's fulfillment will come from your spouse. If you like to have deeply intellectual discussions of philosophy or are interested in politics and your spouse is not, that is fine. It is okay to have close friendships and relationships with other people. A spouse is the relationship that will always be there, that is not based on a certain thing or commonality, but on just love and partnership. A spouse is the only one we are physically intimate with, but this does not mean our entire fulfillment must come from him.
The longer people are married, the more often they have friends who are couple friends. Sometimes spouses must encourage each other to have friends that are just theirs to study with or talk with. This should not be seen as threatening but as a necessary part of helping each other to grow as individuals.
