The last part of a Jewish wedding ceremony is the tradition of breaking a glass in memory of the destruction of Jerusalem. Breaking something at the moment of our greatest joy is a profound statement that though for us personally we may feel all is whole and joyous, for the larger world in general and for our people in particular, all is not wholeness and peace.

The Jews are a people whose history has been one of myriad ups and downs, with moments of terrible persecution on the one hand and grand success on the other. The great Rabbi Abraham Magence once said that, due to this unique history and trust in God even in the dark times, for Jewish people no moment of joy is so overwhelming that it does not contain a tinge of sadness and no moment of sadness is so complete that there is not within it some joy and hope in the Almighty.

It is precisely at this moment of marriage, which can easily be one of abandon and one that is completely self-centered on our personal fortune that we remain cognizant of the fact that others may be in a place of suffering, and for us, too, we are not in our land dwelling in peace as we should be.

In addition, the breaking of the glass can also be a way to remember those who are not with us. Relatives who have passed away and people who we would have liked to have included at our wedding but could not come may be remembered and honored.

The breaking of the glass is often introduced with a song from psalm 137, “im eshkachech yirushalayim, tishkach yimini” (“If I forget thee o Jerusalem let my right hand wither”). Sometimes a moment of silence is taken to remember anyone whom the bride and groom would like to remember, or to focus on current destructions in the world that the bride and groom would like to call attention to.

Some couples are turned off by this focus on the imperfect in the midst of their ultimate joy, but it needs to be seen in the right light. It is a tribute to living a life and relationship that will be grounded in reality. Things will not always be joyous, and there will be difficult times as there are in every life and relationship.

The trick, of course, is to weather those difficult times with trust in each other and in God, and to find some redemption and something deeper within oneself even in times of difficulty and pain. This can help a relationship to not only endure the rocky times but to become even more powerful from having gone through them.

The glass that is broken does not have any requirements in Jewish law and tradition. Some people even use a burned-out light bulb so as not to waste a good glass. You can use an ordinary glass or even one of the glasses you used for the seven blessings; or you can purchase fancy glasses that can be made into artistic mosaics after they are broken.

Whatever you choose to break, be sure to wrap it well and use your heel to do the deed. The sound of the glass breaking is a classic one at Jewish weddings and usually results in shouts of mazel tov and sometimes spontaneous wedding songs for the recessional.