Though there is no precedent in the Bible or Talmud for same gender weddings, in recent years Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis and more recently Conservative rabbis have begun performing unions for homosexual couples. Since there is no historical model for same gender marriages in Judaism and it exists only in liberal Jewish denominations, there is much ceremonial experimentation and leeway in the way in which same gender weddings are conducted.

Same Gender Couples in the Orthodox Community

Since in Jewish law kiddushin is seen as a ceremony that applies only to a couple made up of a woman and a man, there are virtually no same gender marriages performed in the Orthodox community. Halacha, Jewish law based on the Bible and Tamlud, forbids sexual activity between men and — on a rabbinic level — between women. Gay Orthodox couples do exist, but they are typically less public about their relationships and almost no ceremonies have been held since same gender relationships are seen as a violation of Jewish law. Being gay and Orthodox is a great challenge to individuals who feel at times that they must choose between ever loving another person deeply and their religious love of and dedication to Jewish tradition and law.

Same Gender Couples in Liberal Denominations

For Jews who desire to stay closer to tradition but are having a same sex union, the question of how similar their ceremony should be to a traditional wedding can be difficult to navigate. Often, same gender weddings reflect traditional ceremonies with the use of Hebrew and familiar wedding tunes, but the content and structure of the ceremony is altered to fit better with the meaning of the ceremony for the particular couple. Some couples have utilized the structure of the sheva berachot by rewriting the seven blessings from scratch to reflect the nontraditional makeup of the wedding and the couple.

Some same gender couples choose to have a commitment ceremony since same sex marriages are not recognized in many states. Other couples wish to have something more akin to a wedding ceremony since they recognize it as a higher level of commitment. Some liberal rabbis use a recently developed ceremony called a brit ahuvim, a lover's covenant. The brit ahuvim that is used is an agreement between the couple to be committed to each other as partners.

The brit ahuvim utilizes some traditional Jewish language and methodology derived not from Jewish marriage law but from the world of business partnerships. The brit ahuvim document itself is often at the center of the ceremony, but other aspects of traditional Jewish weddings are added to it, such as the breaking of a glass, the use of witnesses, the inclusion of traditional tunes, and the blessings bestowed upon the couple by parents and friends. Couples will often add their own vows, tunes, and poetry to the ceremony to express their love to each other.