Deceased Parents
If the bride or groom has lost a parent, the wedding planning process and the ceremony itself can be emotionally painful. It is important for you to anticipate the bittersweet moments, but your support group can include your fiancé, close friends and family, and your rabbi.
Remembering and Honoring
In the wedding announcement, the deceased parent's name can be listed, followed by the words “of blessed memory” or the equivalent in Hebrew, zichrono l'vracha or zichronah l'vracha for a departed female. In Judaism, though it is traditional for parents to walk the bride and groom to their chuppah, there is no rule that it cannot be someone else. In the past, this was not uncommon, especially with those who survived the Holocaust and had no relatives. Friends who walk the bride or groom to the chuppah are much honored in Judaism. In Hebrew they are called shushvinin, and in Yidish they are given the special title of unterfirers, escorts.
Every Jewish wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of a glass to remember and mourn the destruction of Jerusalem. If you have a parent whom you would like to remember at the ceremony, invoke their name, memory, and blessing just before the breaking of the glass. You can also mention them in your wedding booklet.
Recent Deaths
It can be difficult to decide whether to go ahead with a wedding if a parent passes away just before the wedding. In Jewish law, it is acceptable to go ahead with the wedding if it cannot be postponed without losing all of the food, money, and preparations. Otherwise, the wedding should be postponed until mourning is completed. If the death occured just after the wedding day, the bride and groom complete their seven days of feasting before beginning the observance of shiva, the traditional seven days of mourning.
