Jewish Views of Love
Judaism's most ancient and basic book, the Torah, depicts several examples of love relationships. A close look at the first one of these can reveal a great deal about Judaism's insights into love, relationships, and marriage.
Adam and Eve: The First Love
The first couple in the Torah is Eve and Adam. There are actually two versions of the story of the creation of and the relationship between Adam and Eve. In the first chapter of the Torah, Adam and Eve are created at the same time in the image of God and are then sent off together into the world. In the second chapter of the Torah, Adam is created first and is all alone in the world in the Garden of Eden. God looks at Adam and declares, “It is not good for the Man to be alone; I must make for him an ezer kinegdo.” The words ezer kinegdo mean a helper opposite him, or more literally translated, “a supporter against him.” In an attempt to find Adam a mate, an ezer kinegdo, God creates all the animals and brings them to Adam.
What had God been doing since he created the world?
This is the Talmud's question and the answer it gives is that God is busy making marriage matches, and, says the Talmud, it is as hard as splitting the Red Sea!
In the biblical story, Adam gets to know and names each one of the animals but can not find among them an ezer kinegdo, a proper mate. God puts Adam to sleep and makes Eve from his rib. When Adam wakes he suddenly realizes that the woman standing before him is the right mate for him. According to Jewish tradition they were married by God in the Garden of Eden (with no caterer!) on the sixth day of creation just before the first Shabbat, the first Sabbath.
True Love Is Supportive and Challenging
The name the Torah uses for mate is both very strange and very telling. Adam's mate must be a “helper against him.” Though these terms seem contradictory, Eve and Adam must be to each other mutual helpers and supporters, but they must also challenge each other.
The Torah here is teaching a profound idea. A true love relationship is one in which there is so much trust, concern, and deep understanding that the two partners support and love each other, and because of this support and trust they can also challenge each other to become better people than they are now. Though it takes work, a couple can help each other grow as individuals. Their relationship will grow and deepen in turn.
There is a concept in Judaism called a bashert, (as in, “He is my bashert!”) a soul mate that you are destined to marry. Though some Jewish sources believe that there is one bashert for each person; others feel we often have many potential mates, and the one we commit to and make a great relationship with over time becomes our bashert.
