Keep Your Emotions in Check
Getting emotional — whether the emotion is on the buyer's or seller's side — can heat up the negotiating process to the point where the real-estate agent wants to run for cover! This is not good. Acting rationally is essential when you are negotiating to buy a home. Here are the most common emotions that carry away both buyers and sellers.
For you, this means love of the house you are negotiating for, but you should try not to fall head over heels for it. If you start thinking this is the only house for you and you will never find another house as good anywhere, you might as well forget about negotiating effectively. Try to remember there are other houses that will suit you just as well — and maybe better — even if you haven't found them yet.
If you lose the house you love, and you have the luxury of time, it is a good idea to wait a while before going house hunting again. You do not want to buy on the rebound if you can avoid it. Purchasing the wrong house is a costly mistake.
This emotion makes an appearance in most real-estate negotiations at some point or another. The buyers may get angry at the sellers, the sellers may get angry at the buyers, they both can get angry at the real-estate agent(s), and the agent(s) can get angry at them. Buying a house can be stressful, and no one wants to be taken advantage of.
It might be hard to stay calm and rational, but that should be your mantra during the negotiating process. Here are some suggestions for doing just that:
Use time for cooling off. If you feel yourself (or your spouse) about to scream, say, “I'd (we'd) like to take some time to think about this before saying anything more.” Hang up the phone, leave the room, or leave town for the day if you have to.
Define the cause of your anger. People sometimes find themselves furious without knowing why. Ask yourselves, “What got this started?” Once you answer that question, it is easier to say, “How can we settle this?”
Stick to the point. If you are negotiating over a closing date, do not let who is going to fix the broken toilet get into the discussion.
Do not slam doors or burn bridges. It is hard to come back from, “Take your stupid house and stuff it.
Do not accuse. “This is all your fault” gets you nowhere. Ask instead, “How did we get to this point, and where should we go from here?”
Do not lie. Never lie — at all, over anything. If you said something yesterday and changed your mind overnight, say so. Do not deny what you said. Do not fib about your financial situation — you will be found out anyway. Conveniently “forgetting” something counts as a lie, too. Nothing sours a deal faster than contradictions about money.
Do not pound your fist on the table, and do not raise your voice. Your point can be made without throwing a fit.
Many a real-estate deal has been lost over a comment like, “No way! They're not going to have the last word! No way!” So, no sale. Negotiating is not a game of winning or losing; it is a coming together. You have to be able to give up a little to get a little.
Sometimes it is difficult for sellers to part emotionally with their property. Some fight to keep every stick not nailed down, and they expect to be paid dearly for every one that is. That could be seen as possessiveness.
When people buy, however, they want the most for their money. “That should go with the house” is the usual attitude, since they are anticipating the out-of-pocket expenses for everything that does not go with the house. That could be seen as greed. There is no right answer here. If you get into an argument over bits and pieces, ask yourself if possessiveness or greed is a factor. Sometimes, just recognizing those feelings helps resolve the issue.
