A Plan B (When Everything Goes Wrong)
Natural disasters are a fact of life. Each time a flood, hurricane, or earthquake strikes, lessons are learned about improving readiness for each type of disaster the next time. The foundations of buildings are reinforced, levies are built taller, and evacuation plans are improved.
Like hurricanes and earthquakes, marital disasters can be predicted and mitigated if steps are taken to ease the problems before they become too serious.
Marriage counselors know the typical problems that occur in marriage, and thoughtful couples can tend to their relationships before they are thrown into disaster clean-up mode. Unfortunately, most people seek help with their marriage after the levy has broken. Of course, cleaning up after the disaster has occurred is much harder than changing and preparing before the disaster strikes. Yet human nature is such that very few couples prepare ahead for potential problems.
Where the Levies Break in a Marriage
There are four major areas that have the potential to weaken most marital relationships. Preparing for these potential problems is like reinforcing the levees that broke in New Orleans. The four areas where problems are likely to occur and where growth is possible are:
Self and Boundaries: Maintaining your individual identity as you create an interdependent, not dependent, relationship with your spouse
Money: Creating a productive financial partnership with your spouse, not using money as an instrument of power but as a foundation for mutual fulfillment
Sex: Restoring a fulfilling, respectful sexual union, not making sex a bargaining chip in a marital power game but as the basis for an emotional and spiritual connection for your relationship, and a foundation for self-growth.
Family: Building safety, nurturance, and boundaries for your children; living in community with your extended family, friends, and neighbors.
This does not mean every relationship shall experience these problems. They are the areas of potential problems and definite areas to place your attention if you wish to strengthen your marriage.
Every couple should know in detail the potential sticky issues in their relationship and should have a disaster preparedness plan waiting in case these issues become overwhelming and destructive. Every marriage is only as strong as the weakest link, and knowing where the weak links are will strengthen and support your marriage so that when difficulties arise, you have a plan of action.
