Why Grade Your Marriage?

The purpose of this scale is to assist you in measuring the quality of your relationship. You may wonder if you can answer questions about how you feel about your relationship that would tell you and your partner (and possibly your therapist) where the problems are and how serious the problems may be. The answer is yes. Of course, such a scale would be very subjective as it is based completely upon your feelings about your relationship.

Since feelings are irrational and will fluctuate according to your mood and circumstance, this limits the degree of scientific accuracy of such a test. However, you will still find it worthwhile to answer these basic questions, and then, after grading your answers, compare your reactions and feelings with your partner.

If you find you agree on areas that are weak, then you have a good place to begin working on the issues in your marriage. Some of your answers may surprise your partner, and this would be another good place to begin talking about why you answered the question as you did.

Using the Grading Scale

Answer the following ten questions rating your answer to each question by placing it in one of five categories. These five categories are very good, good, acceptable, fair, and poor. Then assign the appropriate number to each answer: Very good = 5, good = 4, acceptable = 3, fair = 2, and poor = 1. Once you complete the ten questions, you must add the numbers to get a score that can be used to help evaluate the relationship. Most working relationships should have a score around 30. If you find that your score falls below that number, you might want to find ways to improve the areas that drag down the score. Above 30 you are blessed with a good relationship.

The Test Questions

To begin, answer the following questions strictly from your own viewpoint. Do not ask your partner what he feels the answer should be. For example, question number ten asks, “How do you rate your communication skills within this relationship?” What you're asked to assess in this question is whether, strictly from your own point of view, you (not the two of you) have good communications skills as manifested in the communications that occur between you and your partner. He too should answer this and the other nine questions strictly from his perspective.

Once you each complete the test, compare answers and find out where you are weak and where you are strong.

1. How would you rate the overall satisfaction level you feel about your relationship?

2. How would you rate your partner's feelings of overall satisfaction?

3. Do you trust your partner?

4. Are you able to be completely honest with your partner?

5. Do you feel free to express yourself as an individual without losing your feeling of also being a couple?

6. Are you able to find contented consensus when you want different outcomes?

7. Do you feel a deep commitment to your relationship?

8. Do you respect your partner?

9. Are you sexually attracted to your partner? Is there magic in the relationship?

10. How do you rate your communication skills within this relationship?

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