Everyone is emotionally vulnerable and insecure in some areas. In a healthy marriage you understand your partner's areas of vulnerability and do not hit below the belt by saying things to intentionally trigger these vulnerabilities. That is, unless your true intent is to escalate the hostilities between the two of you.

Each spouse needs to let his partner know exactly where his belt line lays. When you are in harmony, you understand that some topics require special handling.

Some typical “no go” areas of discussion with which you may begin your list include: former lovers and spouses, criticisms of parenting styles (particularly when the children are from a former marriage), weight and other aspects of appearance, and any blanket statements that inflame the discussion. This does not mean you never discuss any of these or other below-the-belt areas. It just means you do so with great care.

When dealing with a below-the-belt topic you should:

• Warn your partner ahead of time that you need to address the topic

• Ask if she's willing

• Acknowledge that it is a difficult topic for her

• Leave judgments out of the discussion as much as possible (It's impossible to have no judgments)

• Know what you need ahead of time in order to let go of the issue

• Stay on topic

• Express your appreciation to your partner for listening

The objective of any conversation on a difficult topic is to accomplish whatever is needed to avoid having to revisit this area repeatedly in the future.