Money problems show up more often and in many more ways than people recognize. In marriages, stress over money can wreak havoc with a couple's sex life without the topic ever coming up for discussion — as it did in Brad and Janice's relationship discussed earlier. It also can dampen emotional honesty, and make your household a generally miserable place to be. That's because the often unspoken, underlying dynamic is about power.

When one person is the primary breadwinner, or if one brought substantial money into the marriage, it's very easy for that person to wield power by trying to control his partner's behavior, or by criticizing her. The person who doesn't bring in the money then tends to attempt to manipulate her partner either by withholding sex or emotional support from the more powerful one. The only way out of these negative psychodynamics is through honest reckoning.

Danger Signs of Marital Money Problems

• Purchasing something substantial without consulting partner

• No communication about money

• Unexplained fatigue due to emotional stress

• Denial of family time due to excess overtime hours worked

• Sudden, large increases in credit card balances

• Secretive purchases

• Self-indulgent shopping (“retail therapy”)

• Parental loans

• Episodes of depression

Many of these behaviors and personality changes could have multiple causes, but if you see several at once coupled with any indication of money issues, it's time to find a time and place to discuss these concerns with your partner. While there are times when buying on credit is necessary, too often couples avoid confronting the fact that they simply can't afford something by using plastic. When times are tough, the worst possible response is to avoid the hard facts. Debt, like a toothache, won't improve without treatment and a change in behavior.