Privacy as a Marital Vow
On one hand it feels natural to look to parents with whom you may feel emotionally close for advice on a problem in your marriage. Certainly, doing so occasionally is not necessarily troublesome. It only becomes negative if it's habitual behavior that threatens your basic marital privacy. Because the marital relationship, especially in the beginning, can be fragile, the safest general rule is to avoid inviting your parents into intimate aspects of your relationship with your partner unless they are very supportive of your marriage.
When you deliver frequent negative reports on a spouse to a parent — for example, if you tell your mother that your partner behaved rudely, spoke in a nasty manner to you or a child, or otherwise was not the ideal son-in-law, but then neglect to mention the fact that you and he cleared up the misunderstanding or otherwise fixed the problem — you leave a lasting doubt or concern in your mother's mind about him. Because she is always there for you, or will always take your side, there is a real temptation to use her as a source of emotional comfort in times of conflict with your partner. Don't do it.
Resist the temptation to complain about your partner to your parent. You risk putting parent and partner in an emotional bind that will be hard to undo. This same dynamic frequently plays out with an adult sibling.
Couples need to be careful not to allow in-laws to separate them with gossip and judgments. The reason there are so many mother-in-law jokes is because too many express opinions that attempt to divide the couple. If a man's mother attempts to do this, the man will have to stand up to his mother and set boundaries that protect his marriage. The same is true for the wife with her mother or father.
Family is not always created by blood. There are many people who have created their own families from friends, associates, church and synagogue members, and service groups. Family is a feeling of trust, companionship, and identification with others. Whoever is there for you when you need them can be counted as family.