How to Use Your Time Between Marriages
This is the time for the hard work of self-growth, so that you might be ready for a new relationship and possible remarriage. It's also a time to refine your ability to read other people, to notice who triggers your core wound, and what sets off the very negative behaviors that got you and your previous marriage in trouble. It's time for a self-inventory.
Here are some questions to ponder, best after you've spent some time alone or after doing some individual therapy. Write down your answers and put them away. Then reread what you wrote and reflect further. Are you being ruthlessly honest with yourself? Revise based on further evidence and analysis. Part of the process may include sharing your answers with a close friend or counselor.
Who am I alone?
What are my best qualities in relationships? What works? Examples include expressing appreciation, admitting mistakes, offering constructive criticism)
What are my least healthy behaviors in relationships? What doesn't work? (Examples are being too quick to get angry, inability to express feelings of sadness, excessive drinking or smoking habits, and so on)
What more do I need to do to resolve old hurts, past marriage?
Who do I have to forgive and what must I let go of to be ready to be in a relationship?
You may not presently have all the critically important information about yourself and your behaviors to fully answer this list of questions. Some will become clearer with age and maturity. It is doing the work as well as you can right now that matters. Better yet, before or after you make the jump into another marriage, bring out this list of questions and discuss your answers with your new partner. This is exactly the sort of knowledge you need to have about each other to deepen your marital relationship. It will also help prepare you to take on and resolve the necessary conflicts that occur in any marriage.
