Being single is a time to assess who you are and what you need before you enter your next intimate relationship. Being single is a good time to learn from your past relationships. Rather than becoming upset with your past behaviors, you can listen to and learn from them. For example, stress in a relationship is always a signal that something is wrong. It's important to look at the stress and come to understand it, rather than just accept it or be angry at it. Like the feeling of pain when you touch a hot stove, stress may be telling you that the type of relationship you were in, or are now entering, is inappropriate for you. Once you understand yourself you can guide yourself into a relationship that is more appropriate. Most people have to go through at least one inappropriate relationship in order to create an appropriate one.

In other words, most have to learn from their relationship failures. If this is true, your failures are not really complete failures; rather, they are opportunities to learn more about who you are and what you need in the future to be truly happy. That is the work single people need to do after they have ended an unhappy marriage. Rather than spending valuable time bemoaning the failure or blaming your ex, you can assess what went wrong and what you can change so that your next relationship will be successful. Better to learn and create new mistakes.

The tendency to unconsciously transfer old hurts, fears, and resentments from one relationship into the next, painting your new partner with the same colors as your last, are real dangers for those entering a second or third marriage. The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. To avoid making this mistake in the context of remarriage, you have to get a clear picture of what went wrong in the past, especially your part in it.