How much time to spend together versus time apart is one of the most important issues for a married couple to resolve. There is no right answer. There's only what works for you and your partner. That said, when what had been a comfortable balance of time spent apart and together suddenly changes without discussion or agreement between the partners, you have a marital danger sign. Many factors come into play and must be considered. Among these factors are high stress, extreme parenting or caretaker demands, the tone of your emotional relationship, and the level of trust you have for each other.

A Man and His Cave

Men (as a generality), and some women, because of the way they operate emotionally, need more time alone to ponder a problem or personal disappointment. This is sometimes referred to as a man needing to go into his cave to nurse a wound or replenish his emotional reserves. And while there may not be a cave in your backyard, you may find your husband spending untold hours working on his car or in the shop. He's found a modern-day cave for his manly retreat. It's important for a spouse to allow a man time to do this psychic replenishing. However, if it goes on too long (an amount of time that will vary by the person and situation) there's the danger that the couple may lose a meaningful emotional connection. This is always a balancing act, and frankly, women tend to err on the side of too much interference as opposed to giving a man space when he needs to spend time alone “in his cave.”

Meanwhile, many a woman (and some men) prefers to jointly address and process things by talking about what concerns her. A woman may do this with female friends, but if her husband is generally unable or unwilling to listen to her problems, she may emotionally withdraw from him. That is another marital danger sign.