Your Sweet Mother
Heretofore, your mother has always seemed like the ideal woman to you. She has never been what you would call
Can her behavior be explained? Yes. Will you like the explanations? Probably not.You're Her Baby Boy …
Whether you're the firstborn or the last of the litter, you're always going to be your Mama's baby. No matter how old you get, she's always going to see you as a child. You know this much already.
Don't give in to the temptation to actually be a baby boy. You have thought this through and you know that you and your lady are ready for the ultimate challenge of lifetime commitment. That's all you need to know about yourself in this situation — that's everything.
What you may not realize is that your mom has serious doubts about whether or not you're ready for Real Life. College is one thing; working for a
Continue to act like the adult that you are, and don't fall into your role as the Baby, even if you think it will make your mother happy. This will only give credence to her doubts about your readiness for marriage.
And remember this: Even if your mother really loved your fiancée while the two of you were just dating, that engagement ring can do a number on Mom's sanity. Previously, your mother didn't feel as though your loyalties were divided — obviously (in her mind, at least), family comes first. That diamond (or ruby, or sapphire) has expanded your family and your obligations. Your wife will now come first in your life (though if you're not careful to make this very clear to your mom, this may be an issue for debate for years to come); and what's more, you're going to be expected to divide your time between your own family and your bride's family.
Speak up on behalf of spending time with your own family. If your bride doesn't think it's important to you, she may not make the effort; after all, it's always going to be easier for her to spend time in her own parents' home.
This shouldn't be as hard as it sounds; most couples find a way to work family issues out, by splitting up visits over the holidays, for example. (If you live out of town, you'll visit her family for Thanksgiving and your family for Christmas, and switch holidays the following year so that no one is offended — or you'll just stay in your own home, or you'll work out something that suits the two of you and your situation.) To be on the safe side, you and your bride should work out the issue of holidays and family visits before it becomes an issue with either set of parents.
Your mom is afraid of losing you to the other family in your life. There is something you can do about this, however. Some men let the bride take over and end up spending an extraordinary amount of time with her family, giving credence to the old adage, “A son is a son till he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter all her life.”Feeling Unneeded
If you have a sister who's already been married, your mom went through the whole planning process with her — and she was looking forward to your wedding, too, until she realized that this isn't her event to plan. Now she's just downright surly whenever the topic of the wedding is brought up. She feels as though she's been knocked out of bounds on this one — and she's right. Traditionally, the bride and her family take on the bulk of the wedding and the planning.
This doesn't necessarily mean that your mom has to sit on her hands throughout the entire planning process. The bride and her family may really appreciate any help your mom can give them, especially if your mom has been around the Wedding Planning Block and they're still novices.Attention, Please!
Alas, what can be done about a groom's mother who intentionally tries to — or succeeds in — sabotaging the wedding so that the spotlight will be drawn to her? It depends on the infraction.
One groom remembers that when the limo arrived to take him and his parents to the church, his mother — who is a big attention-seeker — suddenly couldn't find her shoes. Since she was wearing a very formal tea-length gown, the shoes were of the utmost importance, and she refused to leave the house without them, which was no big deal, the groom thought, because they had plenty of time before the wedding. It wasn't long, however, before the groom realized that he was going to be late for his own wedding — and he saw the simple solution:
“We looked for those shoes for half an hour,” he says, “and they were nowhere to be found. Finally, I looked at the clock, and it hit me that I had to be at the church — I couldn't stay another minute. I said, ‘I gotta go. Come to the church when you find them.’
This groom lucked out in that there was no other option, as far as he was concerned, other than leaving his attention-seeking mother at home, shoeless. His mom's actions, while certainly annoying and selfish, were fairly limited in scope. What can you do about a mother who is bound and determined to be nasty to the bride's family, or worse, resolute in her convictions to put on some sort of freaky show on the dance floor during your reception?
If you want to get your mom involved in planning the wedding, proceed cautiously. Your bride and her mother probably have very definite ideas about this wedding — which may not resemble your mother's views. Your mom (or you) should be prepared to pay for the areas of the wedding that are handed over to your family.
Tough love. This is