Heretofore, your mother has always seemed like the ideal woman to you. She has never been what you would call pushy, she always listened to your opinion, and as for your bride-to-be … gee, the two of them got along swell before you popped the question. So what's up with your mother badmouthing the bride? Is there a reason your mom has a problem with the entire wedding, start to finish? Can there be a rational explanation for why she continues to shoot down everything you're trying to tell her?

Can her behavior be explained? Yes. Will you like the explanations? Probably not.

You're Her Baby Boy …

Whether you're the firstborn or the last of the litter, you're always going to be your Mama's baby. No matter how old you get, she's always going to see you as a child. You know this much already.

What you may not realize is that your mom has serious doubts about whether or not you're ready for Real Life. College is one thing; working for a Fortune 500 company is another; taking on the responsibility of a wife and a home (and kids, perhaps, down the road) is a whole other ball of wax. Your mom has been there; she's raised the family; she knows how hard it is — and she knows that no one ever realizes what the job entails until you're smack dab in the middle of it. If you're on the youngish side, she might be worried that you'll long for the single life once you're paying a mortgage and committed to coming home after work every night.

Continue to act like the adult that you are, and don't fall into your role as the Baby, even if you think it will make your mother happy. This will only give credence to her doubts about your readiness for marriage.

And remember this: Even if your mother really loved your fiancée while the two of you were just dating, that engagement ring can do a number on Mom's sanity. Previously, your mother didn't feel as though your loyalties were divided — obviously (in her mind, at least), family comes first. That diamond (or ruby, or sapphire) has expanded your family and your obligations. Your wife will now come first in your life (though if you're not careful to make this very clear to your mom, this may be an issue for debate for years to come); and what's more, you're going to be expected to divide your time between your own family and your bride's family.

This shouldn't be as hard as it sounds; most couples find a way to work family issues out, by splitting up visits over the holidays, for example. (If you live out of town, you'll visit her family for Thanksgiving and your family for Christmas, and switch holidays the following year so that no one is offended — or you'll just stay in your own home, or you'll work out something that suits the two of you and your situation.) To be on the safe side, you and your bride should work out the issue of holidays and family visits before it becomes an issue with either set of parents.

Your mom is afraid of losing you to the other family in your life. There is something you can do about this, however. Some men let the bride take over and end up spending an extraordinary amount of time with her family, giving credence to the old adage, “A son is a son till he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter all her life.”

Feeling Unneeded

If you have a sister who's already been married, your mom went through the whole planning process with her — and she was looking forward to your wedding, too, until she realized that this isn't her event to plan. Now she's just downright surly whenever the topic of the wedding is brought up. She feels as though she's been knocked out of bounds on this one — and she's right. Traditionally, the bride and her family take on the bulk of the wedding and the planning.

This doesn't necessarily mean that your mom has to sit on her hands throughout the entire planning process. The bride and her family may really appreciate any help your mom can give them, especially if your mom has been around the Wedding Planning Block and they're still novices.

Attention, Please!

Alas, what can be done about a groom's mother who intentionally tries to — or succeeds in — sabotaging the wedding so that the spotlight will be drawn to her? It depends on the infraction.

One groom remembers that when the limo arrived to take him and his parents to the church, his mother — who is a big attention-seeker — suddenly couldn't find her shoes. Since she was wearing a very formal tea-length gown, the shoes were of the utmost importance, and she refused to leave the house without them, which was no big deal, the groom thought, because they had plenty of time before the wedding. It wasn't long, however, before the groom realized that he was going to be late for his own wedding — and he saw the simple solution:

“We looked for those shoes for half an hour,” he says, “and they were nowhere to be found. Finally, I looked at the clock, and it hit me that I had to be at the church — I couldn't stay another minute. I said, ‘I gotta go. Come to the church when you find them.’ Then she remembered that she had left her shoes in the trunk of her car so that they wouldn't get lost in the house. She wanted to show up late to the church to make my fiancée worry, and also to make a late entrance, so that everyone would be so relieved that she made it in time. Not that the wedding could start without me.”

The Wildly Inappropriate Mom

This groom lucked out in that there was no other option, as far as he was concerned, other than leaving his attention-seeking mother at home, shoeless. His mom's actions, while certainly annoying and selfish, were fairly limited in scope. What can you do about a mother who is bound and determined to be nasty to the bride's family, or worse, resolute in her convictions to put on some sort of freaky show on the dance floor during your reception?

Tough love. This is not your mother's day. If she can't behave, she has to leave. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. She can be angry with you from here to eternity; that's her prerogative. But as your mother, she's your responsibility. Don't make your bride have a word with her; don't force the bride's father to drag your mom out the door. If you sense she's got something up her sleeve, be prepared. Have the number of a cab company, and use it at the first sign of trouble.