This chapter already covered how to get two very different moms talking. But what if your families have never met? If you're living on the West Coast, and your family is on the East Coast, and your bride's family is overseas, chances are these people have never laid eyes on one another. And if your bride's family is from another country, are they going to think your family is completely nuts?

Start Small

A good way to get the families together is to invite them to your home — wherever that is. You shouldn't ask your bride's family to meet the two of you at your parents' house, for example, as it may make them feel extremely uncomfortable, and it also may imply that your family has the “home field advantage.” The exception to this, of course, is if a trip to your parents' is going to be much more convenient for international travelers — and your parents are open to hosting everyone.

Culture Clash

So you're getting the folks together and you're losing sleep over the possibility that one set of parents will perceive the other set as strange?

Don't borrow trouble, as the saying goes. Most adults — especially in a situation like this — will really try to make things work. Unless your parents are unusually disagreeable folks, or unless her parents spout prejudicial rhetoric on a daily basis (situations where you'd be right to be concerned, by the way), count on each party being on his or her best behavior.

If things do go horribly awry, there's not much you can do about it, anyway. These people are adults, after all, and they're capable of taking care of themselves, even in the face of extreme rudeness. You can take them so far on this journey, by planning, by initiating certain safe topics of conversation … but you can't orchestrate every moment of this meeting. And in the end, if they find they aren't going to be the best of friends, that's all right — so long as no one is trying to stop your wedding.