Let It Slide
Mothers of the bride are quite susceptible to falling prey to temporary insanity when a wedding season rolls around. Suddenly, your bride's mom may seem like a complete stranger to you. This woman who seemed to like you (up until now) has strongly-worded rebuttals to your opinions and is planning a wedding that bears little resemblance to anything you had in mind. Will this go on forever? Should you speak up? Are you her puppet on a string? (The answers: Probably not; Sometimes; and Not Really.)
Things That MatterThere are some areas of the wedding planning that strictly belong to you, as the groom, and unless you voluntarily forfeit them, your future mother-in-law should not usurp these domains. These include:
Choosing the groomsmen
Choosing the tuxedos
Picking the bride's wedding band
Your choice of guests
The vows
The rehearsal dinner locale
Honeymoon preparations
For example, your mother-in-law shouldn't object to your brother as the best man (because she'd really like to see her own son in that role), nor should she book the country club dining room for the rehearsal dinner without first asking your family if they'd like her to. She shouldn't be inviting 120 guests to the reception while allowing your family to extend invitations to fifteen of your closest relatives and friends.
This is all within the realm of etiquette and fair play, and chances are, most mothers-in-law wouldn't dare risk the hard feelings that are associated with a hijacking of this sort. If your bride's mother feels that she should be planning every part of the ceremony — even those that are specifically
Keeping quiet about big issues now (when the lines are clearly drawn by tradition and etiquette) could set you up for a lifetime of dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law (the lines are a little harder to see when life settles into an everyday routine — and your mother-in-law is still trying to run the show).
Because this is your wedding and everyone's emotions are out of whack, issues that normally wouldn't bother you might just pop up and cause you severe distress. In some families,
Beef vs. chicken at your reception
The color of the limos
The color of either mother's dress
The flavor of the wedding cake (unless you have an allergy, of course)
The song for the bride's dance with her father (which her mother has chosen)
The reasons you should let these things slide? First of all, if she's bothering to make an issue of these items, she's probably paying for them.
Secondly — and more importantly — these are things that won't bother you on your wedding day. You're going to be so busy posing for pictures and greeting guests that you may not have time to taste the food on your plate, let alone acknowledge it as poultry or beef. If your mother-in-law wants to wear a polka dotted dress to your wedding, who cares? Black or white limos will be equally pleasing to you as you get in one of them with your new bride, and you'll have a new appreciation for carrot cake when it has a bride and groom posing on the top of it.
