Chapter 4 gave you some ideas for a wedding gift for your new wife. Many grooms give their bride this gift at the rehearsal or even on the wedding day itself. If your bride is holding herself together fairly well, this might work out swell for you. If, on the other hand, she's freaking out in the days before the wedding, you might just want to hold on to that gift until she can focus on the meaning behind it. Following are a few words of wisdom concerning the bride's potentially precarious emotional state on the eve of your nuptials.

Doesn't She Like It?

One groom gave his fiancée a music box in the shape of a sewing basket the night before their wedding. His fiancée didn't fuss over it the way he thought she might, and in fact, he recalls, “She didn't even want to show it to anyone. When her friends looked at it, she kind of just pushed it aside. It was pretty clear that she didn't like it.”

What would this groom have done differently? “I was trying to surprise her,” he says, “and she's usually really happy with anything I give her. I think this was such a big occasion, she was expecting something else — something more substantial, like earrings or a necklace or something along those lines — and that's so unlike her, I didn't even stop to think that that might be the case.”

Another bride was completely thrown at her rehearsal dinner when her groom presented her with a diamond tennis bracelet — after they had both agreed not to buy each other gifts. She says, “We had spent so much money on the wedding and the honeymoon that we had to draw the line somewhere. And honestly, I didn't need the bracelet. I love it, of course, but you know, I was planning on putting that money toward a car. I didn't know how to react to this gift. I was touched, on the one hand, and on the other hand, I was furious that he had made this huge purchase without discussing it with me — and I didn't have a gift for him, which made it even worse.”

She's Crying

Remember: The closer the ceremony, the less stable your bride's emotional state may be. The groom who gave his wife the music box later asked her why she hated it, and she burst into tears. Turns out she had been on the verge of breaking down for days, as she battled with the dressmaker, who only that morning had put the final touches on the bride's gown, and the priest, who had not-so-kindly made some last-minute changes to the ceremony. This bride was in no condition to graciously accept her groom's gift — she would have reacted the same way to a pair of ruby earrings or a mop.

In other words, it wasn't that his choice of a gift was poor — she just couldn't handle anything else at that point. Sounds silly to most grooms, until they find themselves in a similar situation with their own soon-to-be-wives.

Choosing a Gift

When you choose a gift for your bride, take time to think about what this whole event means to her, and what she might like. If she's a very whimsical woman, for example, look for a gift that's going to suit her tastes — like a signed original painting from her favorite local artist. If she's very traditional, you might want to buy her something that can be engraved with her new initials.

Beware the temptation to make things easy on yourself simply by spending a lot of money on a gift. That money is going right down the drain if you're not considering her wants and needs. For example, if she doesn't ever wear a watch, you should probably skip the jewel-encrusted timepiece you've been eyeing for her. Beautiful? Yes, it is. But she'll take one look at it and wonder how you could not know — after being with her for all this time — that she doesn't believe in wearing a watch, and she will be irritated with you for blowing all that cash on a gift that's useless to her.

Likewise, if you've made a deal not to buy gifts for each other — or not to spend a bundle on gifts — honor that agreement. This is no time to play Russian Roulette with the bank account or your bride's emotions.